Online Personas

I've written about this before but it is still so relevant. When will we learn? Or is that we simply don't we care?

The internet, and and social media forums like Facebook are a pretty amazing thing. Where else can you research the most inane questions, reconnect with old friends and meet new ones all without leaving the comfort of your own home? There is a whole virtual world out there to be discovered. But unlike in real life where what you see is more often than not, what you get, in a virtual world it is possible to create new personas. A shy person can become outgoing online and vice versa without anyone being the wiser. Recently I've been wondering how often people do this and whether their actions are intentional or unintentional. So is the way you act online the same way you behave in real life? Yes, no, maybe, sometimes???

Lets take Facebook for example. I have my share of friends and know all but a handful in real life. I know some better than others and have found in most cases that their real life personalities are the same as their virtual ones. Those that complain, whine and have a lot of drama in their real lives tend to have the same when online. And my more mild mannered and even keeled ones? Their virtual lives tend to look the same; its all pretty predictable.

But what I really wonder about is those people that I've never met. Take Facebook groups as an example. Because I'm selective about the groups I join I tend to belong ones that are interest or demographic based; shared hobbies, alumnae of the same schools, members of the same military communities, etc. These groups can have a handful or several thousand members. Fellow members aren't my friends per se but because we belong to the same groups I feel like I know many of them. If they are regular posters their faces and stories become familiar and I feel like I've met them. In just about every group I am a member of there are people who are active and always chiming in. Their responses to questions are often rapid fire and immediate making me wonder if they do nothing other than stalk Facebook at all hours of the day. Sometimes they add useful information to the conversation but many times I feel as though they don't. While these groups can provide a wealth of information and needed opinions, if a question about an opening time has been posed then answered is it really necessary for ten other people to chime in with the same information? Then there are the people who come across as experts on every subject matter; regardless of the question they always have a definitive answer and have no qualms about arguing with anyone who dares to disagree or present an differing opinion. Personally I am quite private when it comes to posting in these groups. I think twice before sharing a tale of woe and only jump into the conversations if I have something new and meaningful to contribute. (But when thinking about it, this is the way I am in real life as well). But not everyone feels the same way. I know more about people's marital and in-law problems, dislike of their jobs and bosses and disputes with their neighbors than I want or need to. Really.

The longer I am a part of these groups the more I get to "know" these people. Some people I immediately like, others I find funny or I grow to be annoyed by. A few I find myself disliking but the majority of them I am indifferent to. But every once in a while I actually meet and get to know these people in real life. This tends to happen most often with the military spouse groups that I belong to. And you know what? The ones I liked online I find myself liking in person. If you don't have a filter in your virtual life it is doubtful that you have one in real life either. The ones whose comments I avoid reading and generally disliked when on Facebook are the same ones I feel the urge to run from when I see them in person. Annoying online is annoying in person; funny behind the keyboard usually means funny in person. And the similarities just go on. So is the internet "real life" or just a mirror image of it?

And all of this makes me feel like my online persona pretty much mirrors the real life me. But then again, I'm pretty biased so who am I to judge?

Online Personas

The internet, and and social media forums like Facebook are a pretty amazing thing. Where else can you research the most inane questions, reconnect with old friends and meet new ones all without leaving the comfort of your own home? There is a whole virtual world out there to be discovered. But unlike in real life where what you see is more often than not, what you get, in a virtual world it is possible to create new personas. A shy person can become outgoing online and vice versa without anyone being the wiser. Recently I've been wondering how often people do this and whether their actions are intentional or unintentional. So is the way you act online the same way you behave in real life? Yes, no, maybe, sometimes???

Lets take Facebook for example. I have my share of friends and know all but a handful in real life. I know some better than others and have found in most cases that their real life personalities are the same as their virtual ones. Those that complain, whine and have a lot of drama in their real lives tend to have the same when online. And my more mild mannered and even keeled ones? Their virtual lives tend to look the same; its all pretty predictable.

But what I really wonder about is those people that I've never met. Take Facebook groups as an example. Because I'm selective about the groups I join I tend to belong ones that are interest or demographic based; shared hobbies, alumnae of the same schools, members of the same military communities, etc. These groups can have a handful or several thousand members. Fellow members aren't my friends per se but because we belong to the same groups I feel like I know many of them. If they are regular posters their faces and stories become familiar and I feel like I've met them. In just about every group I am a member of there are people who are active and always chiming in. Their responses to questions are often rapid fire and immediate making me wonder if they do nothing other than stalk Facebook at all hours of the day. Sometimes they add useful information to the conversation but many times I feel as though they don't. While these groups can provide a wealth of information and needed opinions, if a question about an opening time has been posed then answered is it really necessary for ten other people to chime in with the same information? Then there are the people who come across as experts on every subject matter; regardless of the question they always have a definitive answer and have no qualms about arguing with anyone who dares to disagree or present an differing opinion. Personally I am quite private when it comes to posting in these groups. I think twice before sharing a tale of woe and only jump into the conversations if I have something new and meaningful to contribute. (But when thinking about it, this is the way I am in real life as well). But not everyone feels the same way. I know more about people's marital and in-law problems, dislike of their jobs and bosses and disputes with their neighbors than I want or need to. Really.

The longer I am a part of these groups the more I get to "know" these people. Some people I immediately like, others I find funny or I grow to be annoyed by. A few I find myself disliking but the majority of them I am indifferent to. But every once in a while I actually meet and get to know these people in real life. This tends to happen most often with the military spouse groups that I belong to. And you know what? The ones I liked online I find myself liking in person. If you don't have a filter in your virtual life it is doubtful that you have one in real life either. The ones whose comments I avoid reading and generally disliked when on Facebook are the same ones I feel the urge to run from when I see them in person. Annoying online is annoying in person; funny behind the keyboard usually means funny in person. And the similarities just go on. So is the internet "real life" or just a mirror image of it?

And all of this makes me feel like my online persona pretty much mirrors the real life me. But then again, I'm pretty biased so who am I to judge?

Like...Dislike

As a society have we become too reliant on social media? Have we lost our ability to communicate on a personal basis in favor of hiding behind a screen? I'll be the first to admit that I am a Facebook junkie and probably spend too much time scrolling through the likes of Facebook, Pinterest and Instagram. I can't even remember the last time I picked up an actual telephone to call someone yet I feel connected with my friends all around the world. In fact, it is because of social media that so many of these friendships have been kept alive and vibrant despite the distances between us. As for my handful of friends who haven't jumped on the Facebook bandwagon? I know it is wrong but I still keep in touch, but much more sporadically, than I do with my Facebook friends. And through Facebook I have found online communities that offer support and advice for just about any situation that may arise. If I have a question about the opening hours of a business, what is going on in the community or the daily specials at a restaurant I am more apt to check out their Facebook page than I am to pick up a phone and call. It is faster, more convenient and can be done on my own schedule and on my own terms. So yes it is nice but at the same time I can't help but wonder if we have simply gone too far.

Here in our SHAPE community just about every group and organization has their own Facebook page. There are the official ones that are managed by actual departments and offices--the general SHAPE page, the library, and MWR all provide a wealth of timely information and are quick to rebut any rumors that may be circulating. And then there are the what feels like hundreds of unofficial pages. There are pages for pet owners and frequent travelers, numerous pages to help people buy and sell items, and then general pages where questions are asked and answered. As with all situations involving social media, these pages need to be approached with a grain of salt since for every piece of good information there seems to be twice as many negative or false stories being circulated. But I'm not criticizing any of these pages; after all this is where I get the majority of my information about what is happening in my own community. But it makes me wonder, what about all of those people who are not on Facebook?

Yes, as hard as it may be to believe, there really is a contingent of people who shun social media and do not maintain online accounts. My husband is one of those people. While he does have a Facebook account, it has been so long since he logged in that he no longer remembers his password. In all honesty, his account now serves the sole purpose of keeping his far flung friends updated on his whereabouts and even then, this only comes from my tagging him in photos. But that seems to work for him. But it also means that if it wasn't for my telling him, he would be unaware of all of the vast array of activities and events taking place right around him. Even though he works right on base and is theoretically in the center of all of the activities, he is essentially unaware of many of the events that are taking place. Some larger events are announced via official notices yet much takes place outside of the official channels and seems to be announced solely on Facebook. Bake sales, ball fundraisers and family social events all sponsored by the Navy element here (and we are a Navy family) only seem to be announced via Facebook. Other activities will be announced on Facebook days if not weeks before an official notice may or may not be issued. Maybe it is just me, but this seems a bit odd.

And it begs the question of whether everyone needs to be plugged into social media. Can a workplace require it? Or can they strongly discourage it or even flat out forbid it (I know there are some places that do). And what about work places that advise their employees to use discretion? Can this guidance also extend to family members? Whether we like it or not, social media has become a global trend. By Facebook's own statistics, there are 1, 250 million active accounts worldwide. The United States, United Kingdom and Indonesia top out the list of countries with the most users (with Walmart being one of the most popular pages in the United States but that is a story for another blog post). But what does it mean if you are one of those people who hasn't logged on and clicked the "like" button. Are you simply destined to be left behind or left out? And is this necessarily a bad thing? Some days I'm not so sure..........

Technology Detox

This past weekend I did something I haven't done in years; I spent four days completely unplugged and disconnected from technology.  No Facebook, no television, no surfing the web, no blogging, no Pinterest, and no email--well, I did glance at my work issued Blackberry once before returning it to the deep abyss that is my purse.  And funny enough, I didn't miss any of it. In fact, the whole experience felt refreshing.

So what caused my detox you ask?  Taking advantage of a long weekend, we headed out of town to spend a few nights north of the border in Montenegro.  As is the case more often than not, my Blackberry didn't transmit emails consistently so I regulated it to the bottom of my bag.  Besides, we were on a mini-vacation and the last time I checked there really aren't any work related emergencies for me.  Our hotel was beautiful but didn't offer free Internet and  we refused to pay their high asking price for a weak Wi-Fi signal.  At first I thought this would bother me but I actually found myself enjoying being disconnected.  Montenegro (along with Albania) is a big black hole on our GPS system so without our Tom Tom or access to Google Maps we allowed our Lonely Plant paperback to serve as our guide.  We didn't get lost and in fact discovered places we might never have otherwise seen if we had been focusing on a computer generated, pre-planned route.  If a road looked interesting, we followed it.  Instead of scanning the web, posting updates on Facebook, and scoping out our next vacation location (a task that has become a regular part of every trip), we enjoyed just being together as a family without the usual technological disruptions.  In the evenings we read books or sat on our balcony drinking rather decent Montenegrian wine and listening to the sound of the crashing surf below us.  Never one to be truly idle, I did a lot of thinking about everything from future dinner menus to what I really want to do "when I grow up" but didn't jump on the computer to further my research.  (I even jotted notes to myself using the paper and pencil provided by the hotel.  I don't even remember the last time I did this). Without the interruption of ringing phones or news broadcasts we were blissfully unaware of the outside world and it was wonderful.  And for the first time in what feels like ages, I relaxed.  Instead of the initial angst I had anticipated over being disconnected I found myself wishing our four days away wouldn't end.  But sadly enough the weekend came to an end and we returned to our (temporary) Albanian reality.

Yes, I'm now back and reconnected; I have uploaded pictures from the weekend to Facebook and have sent a few emails.  As this post attests to, I'm blogging again.  But my brief time away did me good.  For Americans, Memorial Day weekend is the traditional start of summer which is supposed to mean long lazy days spending time with family and friends, enjoying the weather, and relaxing as much as possible.  And after this weekend I realize that for me, this also means disconnecting from the rapid paced world that is driven by technology.  It really is unavoidable and I'll admit, I do enjoy aspects of being connected.  It allows me to keep in touch with friends and family all over the world and not feel completely isolated while living in a geographically and socially isolated country.  However, I'm determined to no longer be ruled by technology.  So this summer I'm going to disconnect a bit. I'll still blog--daily for the most part since it is my creative outlet-- but I'm going to spend less time in front of the computer.  This means fewer hours on Facebook and the Internet as a whole and I'm going to start picking up the phone rather than using email as my main form of communication.  Maybe I'll even buy a few stamps and hand write a letter or two.  I'm going to pull out my stash of books and read for pleasure rather than wasting hours doing nothing in front of the computer.  I'm going to spend more time just hanging out with Sidney and seeing the world through his three and a half year old perspective.  He is turning into both a thoughtful and pretty funny little boy and I don't want to miss a moment of it.  I feel more relaxed just thinking about my technology diet.
So here's to an unplugged summer; I can't wait.  Enjoy!

Thanks to a Mouse, its a Small, Small World

The Internet is an interesting thing.  With the click of a mouse one can find just about anything their heart desires- online encyclopedias, the latest edition of your hometown newspaper, hotel reservations, cute shoes, or even a spouse- all can be found on the world wide web. 

Technology has come a long way since I sat in front of my first computer- a Commodore 64 back in the fourth grade in Washington, Maine.  I still remember staring at the black screen with alien green font as I clicked away on the keyboard.  Later in high school we were required to pass a "computer literacy test" which essentially meant we had to prove that we could turn on a computer, create and save a document, then shut down the clunky machine.  Back then our typing classes (probably the single most useful class I took in high school) were held in front of old electric typewriters.  In college the Internet was beginning to appear on campus but its use was mainly confined to those students majoring in computer science.  My first computer was an Apple II, a cube of a computer that made typing papers easier but the only thing it connected to was a dot-matrix printer.  By the time I graduated, Mount Holyoke had Pine, a basic system that allowed for some rudimentary email communication.

Fast forward a few (or more) years and it seems as though the entire world has gone high tech.  Thanks to technology the entire world feels like a smaller place.  We may physically be living in Albania but thanks to Facebook, Skype, and the abundance of online stores we are more connected now than we ever have been.  We regularly talk to our families back in the States via Skype and receive play by play updates on friends' lives via Facebook.  We can buy just about anything online and have it shipped to us.  I've discovered that many on-line stores actually have a better selection of products than their sticks-and-bricks counterparts plus my transactions can be completed without having to fight for a parking spot.  I realized just how well connected we were when Glenn and I were coming up with his most recent stateside shopping list.  As I struggled to identify items he could buy in the States and carry back in his suitcase, I realized that there really wasn't anything I needed or even wanted.  (A cup of Starbucks doesn't count since he couldn't get it past TSA security).

I'll admit that the pace of my online shopping has accelerated since we arrived in Albania.  Instead of dropping into the store to pick up an item I fill my online shopping cart with the needed item plus a few additions.  After all, if you reach that critical price point in your basket you qualify for free shipping!  Of course, I must wait a few weeks before my purchases arrive but I get the same thrill from the email announcing I have a package that I did when I saw those little yellow slips in my MHC mailbox.

Some would argue that all of this technology is actually making the world a more detached place.  After all, you can accomplish so many things without actually talking to another human being.  I would argue just the opposite is true.  Thanks to technology we can meet people we would otherwise never know, we can learn about far away places without spending the money to travel there, and we can talk to our friends around the world.  The Internet could actually be viewed as a great equalizer.  If you have access to the Internet you have access to the world.  I realize that not every place or person has this access, but the number that do is increasing on a daily basis.  This means that eventually we will all be able to learn about one another and share ideas and we could even all end up wearing the same pair of shoes.