It Takes A Village

It was an African proverb before Hillary Clinton popularized the phrase with her 1996 best seller of the same name.  The premise is simple; while parents play a vital role in raising their children, so does their entire community.  From siblings and grandparents to friends and neighbors everyone within a community must share in the responsibility of raising the next generation.  Take a historical look at cultures around the globe and you will see that this is true and has been for some time.  In earlier days clans and extended families stuck together if for no other reason that sheer survival in both the social and physical senses.  Sometimes this might mean multiple generations living in the same town, on the same street or in the same neighborhood, or even sharing a house.  Other times it may refer to an entire neighborhood looking out for one another, adults volunteering to coach sports teams and taking part in the car pool, or simply taking the lead in supervising kids playing in the neighborhood. Or more likely, it is a combination of all of these and much much more.  During long ship deployments fellow Navy families united to become one big family to offer support to one another during times of need.  While our blood families may not be close enough to provide assistance, a member of the Navy families was always steps away ready to jump in when called upon.  This is not just a relic of the past nor is it country specific; today I look around my own street here in Tirana and see multiple generations sharing houses and contributing to the raising of the next generation.  Regardless of whom the parent is, all of the adults on the street share in the responsibility of supervising and if need be, reprimanding the children.  Older children look out for the younger ones and younger ones in turn look out for the even smaller ones.  And this is not unique to our neighborhood.  Many of our Albanian friends and co-workers either live with their in-laws in the same house or at a minimum in the same apartment building.  Sure this arrangement provides for built in babysitting but it offers so much more.  From family history, cultural traditions, and the wisdom that only comes with age and experience, a village raising a child is more powerful and beneficial (and easier) that going it alone.

As nuclear families have become more geographically diverse, non-traditional "villages" have become even more important.  As Sidney gets older and we find ourselves living thousands of miles away from our own families and close friends, I am becoming increasingly aware of this.  Sure we can Skype on a regular basis with our families back in the United States and while that is an important part of the support system that is our village, we have had to forge an adopted one for ourselves here in Albania.  Just as we did in Washington D.C. and in Virginia before that, our neighbors and co-workers here have become our friends and these friends have become like family to us.  They are the ones we turn to when we need support and in turn we offer the same.  It is becoming increasingly apparent that in this day and age we just can't go it alone.  While Glenn and I play a key (and the lead) role in Sidney's development, it is our entire adopted village that is helping to raise and shape him into the boy he is.  From our dear nanny and her own grandchildren who play with Sidney to the neighborhood children who taught Sidney to play football (European style that is) and cheer him on as he learns to peddle his bicycle they are all a part of our adopted village.  Our co-workers who provide us with the day-to-day support we need and our friends who serve as our power of attorney should anything go wrong are all a part of our village.  More than ever it truly does take a village to raise a child and we are very grateful for the one we have here.

Going Back In Time

Its ironic that in 2012, right in the middle of Women's History month, we are having the very same conversations about women's rights that our mothers and grandmothers had generations ago.  Hillary Clinton summarized the situation the best at a Women in the World Summit in NYC on March 10th.  “Why extremists always focus on women remains a mystery to me.  But they all seem to. It doesn’t matter what country they’re in or what religion they claim. They want to control women. They want to control how we dress. They want to control how we act. They even want to control the decisions we make about our own health and bodies."  As Secretary of State, Clinton could be talking about extremists in other countries, which she most likely was, but sadly enough she was also likely talking about extremists in the United States.


I've often wondered why men, and yes it always seems to be men, feel the need to make proclaimations about what we women can and cannot do with our own bodies. As I often remind Glenn, "no uterus no opinion."  Or so one would think.  Current Republican presidentials candidates obviously disagree and think that they should dictate what I can do with my own body.  The campaign trail is filled with propaganda about what each candidate will do in regards to womens health if they are elected president.  Not one has mentioned imposing draconian measures that would limit a man's access to health care.  Perhaps that should a part of the campaign platform for the next woman who runs for president.

There are so many issues I could comment on.  I respect an individual's right to chose to have an abortion, seek out birth control, or make medical decisions that affect their own quality of life.  All I ask is that my own decisions be equally respected.  In a country that was founded on individual liberties, why are they slowly being taken away from us?  Further more, given the current state of the U.S. and world economies, is the question of whether or not I take a specific medication truly the most pressing issue facing us today?

In college I participated in my share of campaigns supporting womens rights and even spent a chilly weekend in D.C. commemorating the 20th Anniversary of Roe v Wade.  I've never considered myself to be political per se, but I've always believed that I should be able to chose and control my own body and yes, take ownership for my actions.  I still believe that.  Long time Maine Senator Olympia Snowe, a politician I have always supported and admired, has been quoted as saying that “it feels as if we are going back to another era.”  I think we are.  I guess the question now is how to we change the ebb of the current tide?

As I said earlier, no uterus no opinion.  I won't pass judgement on your desire to carry a gun, practice your religion, or not vaccinate your children.  In return, just allow me to make the same decisions for myself and my family.