Dream A Little Dream

When is a dream just a dream and when is it more than that? Is it better to be realistic and perhaps a bit too cautious or should you dream big and just go for it. Do you dive directly into the deep end of the pool or wade in one toe at a time? Is it an all or nothing proposition?

I'm talking about life here and more specifically the future. In the choose your own adventure novel of life how do you know whether you are making the right decision or wandering down a path that is less certain? If you only live once what do you have to lose? Everything? Nothing? Something in between?

So on the cusp of a new year I'm dreaming. I'm dreaming big but am realizing that anything is possible. Its exciting; its scary; and its not completely out of the realm of possibility....which makes it all the scarier. But, I'm not going to stop dreaming. The question is, which end of the pool do I enter from?

Oh The Places We Go

When you were little what did you want to be when you grew up? Me, from the time I was in elementary school right through high school I dreamed of being a famous writer. I have no idea what inspired this idea in my child's mind but I had this fantasy of sitting with my trusty electric typewriter (yes, this was back in the days when owning a personal computer was pretty much reserved for only the biggest techies) and typing out a great novel. At times I'd be living in Paris or Italy--places I had only dreamed about at the time--the location varied but my dream didn't. I spent the summer between my high school graduation and heading off to college typing away on my portable word processor (I had upgraded by then) writing what was going to be my debut novel. I finished it but come September I packed it away in a box and headed off to college.

Once in college I was overwhelmed by my class and career options and despite the plethora of writing classes that were offered, I never actually took one. My pages of my "novel" grew dusty and yellowed over the next four years as I switched majors, pondered my future and somehow graduated with a history major, no job and a vague plan to attend law school in the "future". I still thought about writing, dabbled with keeping a journal for awhile but focused my energies on a series of jobs that would keep a roof over my head. When I went back to graduate school I toyed with getting a masters in fine arts with a focus on creative writing but opted instead for the much more logical and marketable masters in public policy. And as they say, the rest is history.

I've come a long way since I had those young school fantasies. I never made it to law school but instead have found meaningful work in other venues. I've married, had a child and moved. A lot.  I've travelled the world and seen places that I only read about in books. I've visited countries that didn't even exist when I was in school and lived in one that most Americans never contemplated visiting let alone living in. I've discovered that I have a knack for cooking and can whip up a decent meal with limited ingredients and less than ideal conditions. The enjoyment I find in dabbling with watercolors and photography are recent discoveries but ones that I will definitely explore further. And through all of this I am still writing. Its not a novel (yet) but I have stories to tell and ideas to share and thanks to the Internet (yet another thing I never imagined when I was a child) I am able to easily do so to as many or as few people as choose to read what I produce. None of these are things I even contemplated as being possibilities way back when.

And now, I still don't know what I want to do when I grow up. Will I finally write that long dreamed about novel? Or perhaps open my own bed and breakfast on the ocean where we grow our own food and everything from the furniture to the snacks are homemade? The possibilities of what the holds are truly limitless. So only time will tell what happens next.

The Bucket List

Life is short. And as you grow older, time just flies by faster and faster; it really does. I remember hearing this when I was growing up during a time in my life when it felt like time dragged. But somewhere along the line, perhaps after I had completed my angst filled teenage years, the rate at which time moved started picking up until suddenly it was really flying by. Somehow my twenties flew by, as did my thirties and I now find myself wondering how I will ever be able to accomplish everything I want to do and see everything I want to see.......for me travel is a top priority and with such a big wide world filled with amazing places, how does one even go about prioritizing where they want to go?

Before we moved to Albania more than one person told us to create a bucket list of everything we wanted to see and do during our two years overseas. We were warned to do it right away rather than waiting until we were in our twilight months in order to be sure we didn't run out of time. This was the best piece of advice I've ever been given and is the single thing I advise anyone who asks about how to make the most of their time in any one location. While it may feel as though you will be in a location for ever, you won't. And if you don't make a list and plan, so many wonderful opportunities will simply float away.

After consulting a map of Europe and a long range calendar, Glenn and I dutifully made our list within the first few months we were in Albania. The list was extensive, including both sites within the country and throughout Europe. Some places were those we had never heard of or had never dreamed visiting of while others were places we had always been curious about but never thought we'd have the chance to visit. We took our list one step further and plotted out when we would like to visit--next month, next year, or even in two years--these dates were all penciled in onto our multi page chart. Two years felt like a long time but once we started consulting a calendar we realized our time would be gone before we knew it. When we extended our tour by six months we added a few more places to visit. Pop up work related travel had us rearranging our schedules. When we found out that we would be staying in Europe for a second, three year tour we adjusted our list yet again, removing countries that would be in close proximity to where we would be living and adding those that we would probably never have the chance to visit again. While we never got to every place we had hoped--Sicily and Morocco kept getting bumped-- we traveled to places that we had never dreamed of. Who knew that Bulgaria and Romania were such beautiful places or that the coast of Montenegro could give the Italian and Croatian Rivieras a run for their money in terms of sheer beauty? In the end we managed to visit twenty-three countries over the course of thirty-one months with several countries seeing repeat visits. Now that is pretty impressive if I must say so myself.

So following our own advice, the other night Glenn and I sat down once again to plan out our travel bucket list for the next three years. And of course putting the list together was another fun opportunity to dream. Our new list includes local day trips, long weekend excursions and three much larger, multi-country excursions involving trains, planes, automobiles and boats. Some of the list is quite predictable while other cities and countries are a bit more obscure. I'm sure places will get added as time goes along while others will get bumped because we will simply run out of time. And because we've been on the go since we arrived in Belgium, we are already ticking spots off of the list. Yes, Sicily (fall 2014) and Morocco (April 2015) are back on the list and this time we will really get there. We've added some Baltic countries to our itinerary and old favorites such as Italy that are places that just worth visiting over and over. The list is ambitious but we ask ourselves when we will ever have the opportunity again to explore so much of the world that is literally in our backyard. Our answer is probably never so we are taking full advantage of the opportunity of the here and now. Besides, half of the fun of a bucket list is dreaming about the possibilities and right now ours is just overflowing.

So what is on your bucket list?

Up All Night

I've battled with insomnia for years but in recent months my sleepless nights have increased in both length and frequency.  I've tried all of the conventional remedies for sleeplessness; a dark room, background noise machines, herbal tea before bed, decreased consumption of beverages containing caffeine, and even prescription medicines.  None have ever proven to be effective.  I've learned that stress is my biggest trigger; when I have a lot on my mind I just can't shut off my brain to get a restful night's sleep.  I don't necessarily think I've been more stressed lately, if anything I feel as though I've settled into a comfortable routine, but apparently my subconscious is telling me otherwise.  The irony of insomnia is that the less sleep I get, the more I think about the need to sleep and ergo, the less sleep I get.  As has been the case for the past two decades, I know this phase will eventually pass.  In the meantime, I'm awake a lot at night and have been spending much of this time thinking.

So what does one do when they are wide awake and the rest of the household is sleeping peacefully (ok, they are both snoring but at least they are sleeping)?  First I listen to the sounds of the night.  Our house is surprisingly loud.  At night, the creaks and groans of the house seem to be magnified by the darkness.  Now that the weather has cooled off we have taken to sleeping with our windows open.  I'm learning that our neighborhood is surprisingly loud all night long.  Street dogs bark almost continually and due to the position of our house, the noise from passing vehicles on the main road seems to flow straight into our house.  The other constant is the sound of roosters crowing.  I used to think that these birds only sounded their alarm as the sun rose but Albanian roosters apparently move to their own schedule.  Whether it is two, four, or six in the morning, these roosters are crowing.

After hours of laying awake and thinking about all the things I need to do; tasks for work, tasks for home, menus for approaching dinners,  and holiday travel plans, I eventually break down and get up out of bed.  I usually end up in front of the computer- and if the stars are aligned, our internet connection is up and running (the nights when it isn't working make each passing minute feel like hours).  During our first few months here I used to spend these predawn hours searching the internet for online shopping deals.  I never thought I'd say it but I think I've reached my internet shopping saturation point.  I have now changed my focus.

I now spend my awake hours seeking out new recipes, planning dinner menus, and wondering how I can turn my passion into a career.  I have a fantasy that post-Navy life will find me owning my own bakery and catering company.  Given the economy, the financial considerations for starting a new business, and the need to save for Sidney's college education, this is probably just a pipe dream but it is fun to think about none the less.  (And it helps pass those long nighttime hours).  As a part of my dream, I've decided to put more focus on writing about my food experiences.  As such, I've launched a "sister" blog to this one.  Albania or Bust:  The Food Files, talks about my thoughts regarding shopping, cooking, and eating while living in Albania or where ever our travels take us.  I will continue writing my original blog but hope my new blog will allow me to focus on the nitty-gritty food details that excite me but bore most people.  Blogs are subjective and in many cases self-serving.  While I started this blog to keep my family and friends connected with our Albanian lives, I will be writing my new blog more for me.  I may not be able to currently live out my culinary dreams but I can try to put my thoughts and dreams onto virtual paper.  This project might not help me sleep, but it will at least give me something to show for all of my late night/early morning waking hours.