October: National Domestic Violence Awareness Month

October is Domestic Violence Awareness month. Each year during this time, advocates, supporters, and survivors take to the streets and airwaves in an effort to bring awareness to this growing epidemic that strikes all too close to home. We live in a society where it is hard enough for women to come forward and admit that they are being hurt by their spouses and partners so it is just that much more difficult for men to do so.  While statistics show that most victims of domestic violence are women (three out of every four) that means men are victims too. Statistics regarding male violence are even harder to come by than those for women and they vary more as well.  But they are real and any number is one too many.  Regardless of how the numbers pan out, it is undeniable then men are also hurt by violence inside of the home and when one person is hurt, everyone is affected by it.

In college I was part of a campus wide effort that raised awareness about the effects of domestic violence.  Being that we had an all female student body, our focus was primarily on violence perpetrated against women by men but also female on female violence.  Domestic violence against men was never a topic we discussed or acknowledged.  After college I volunteered at a local shelter and was part of a hot line that answered calls from victims of domestic abuse.  I only received a few calls during my time (wo)manning the hot line but I did receive one call from a man.   Despite all of my training I remember my naive shock that a man was on the other end of the line (and not in the taunting or harassing way that angry men occasionally called the unlisted number).  This man simply needed someone to listen as he questioned whether the verbal and occasional physical assaults inflicted upon him by his wife were abuse.  In the end he answered his questions for himself but I remember my heart breaking as I listened to him talk, cry, and question.  (Emotions know no gender).  I still remember this call close to 20 years later and often wonder what became of him and his wife.   I never knew his name so I'll never know but I still wonder.  And unfortunately, he was definitely not an anomaly since men are victims of domestic violence as well.

Domestic violence can take many forms; it may be physical, verbal, or emotional and is often a combination of all three.  It is estimated that 835,000 men in the United States are physically assaulted by their intimate partners each year.  While physical abuse is apt to leave scars and outward telltale signs, verbal and emotional abuse can be even more damaging.  Insults, undue criticisms, and name calling may not leave physical wounds but their scars are present just the same.   While physical abuse is easier to identify--after all a physical strike is a physical strike-- emotional and verbal abuse is more difficult to identify. When is nagging or henpecking something more?  How does one identify where the line lies?  Like its physical sibling, emotional abuse wears people down and does lasting damage.  None of this is healthy behavior and all of it is detrimental to individuals, families, and communities.

Regardless of the gender of the perpetrator or subject of abuse, any violence inside of the home effects everyone who lives there.  Young or old, male or female, being subjected to or simply witnessing violence is detrimental to the household unit.  It all must stop now.  As such, I'm writing this blog entry to do my little part to raise awareness about this terrifying topic.  And you too, can do your part. If you suspect someone is a victim, reach out to them and offer your support.  If you can, attend a local awareness event in your community or volunteer your time and resources to an organization that supports survivors of domestic violence.  Every bit really does help.

Stress Factor

Stress.  As in "I am so stressed". The phrase has become so commonplace in conversations that I sometimes wonder whether it has lost its true meaning. Or whether it has become such a catch phrase that people don't stop and think about what it really means. But recently two separate articles discussing the causes of stress caught my eye and now I find myself thinking at of course we are stressed as a country and a society. I mean, given all that is going on around us, how can we not be?

First, a The Washington Post article cited a Robert Wood Johnson Foundations study that found politicians to be the number one factor in causing stress in our daily lives. Eighty-six percent of surveyed Americans indicated that they had experienced stress in the past month with 26 % saying those stress levels had been extreme. While major health issues were the largest contributor of longer term high levels of stress, issues surrounding everyday life were attributed to smaller daily stressors. Americans said that "hearing about what the government or politicians are doing"increased their stress levels more than dealing with long commutes, juggling the work-life balance and dealing with family dynamics. Hence the negative influence of our elected officials. And with the ongoing stalemate punctuated by vicious verbal attacks and other juvenile behavior in Washington, it really is no wonder. What we are watching looks like bad reality television. But when these issues-- the economy, immigration reform, religious freedoms, access to health care and global warming-- directly impact individual lives yet are treated like pawns in an ugly game, it is all too real. So it is no surprise that as a society we are so stressed. I know I am, are you?

And speaking about hearing and watching the politics play out on televisions, a NPR piece discussed the same study, focusing on the impact watching, reading or listening to the news has on our stress levels. Open a newspaper or turn on the news and it is filled with bad news. Foiled terrorist attacks, domestic disputes turned deadly and the recent horrific spate of parents leaving their young children in hot cars fill the airwaves and these are just the domestic news articles. And when an event is particularly horrifying, the media provides continual coverage of the event. If there is nothing new to report they replay the footage or bring in "experts" who not only speculate on the event at hand but link it to past atrocities. One only as to think about the events surrounding the September 11th terrorist attacks or the bombing of the Oklahoma City federal building to realize how true this year. Years after the event these images are still burned into my mind. But despite, or perhaps because, of the scale of these tragedies, people are watching. The above cited study found that "people who exposed themselves to six or more hours of media daily reported more acute stress symptoms than did people who were directly exposed" to the actual events. So we no longer need to actually experience the event in person in order to suffer the effects of its aftermath. Are we on the verge of becoming a country where everyone suffers from PTSD?

So who is to blame for all of this and what should we do? Do we elect new representatives with the hope that they can actually work together to solve our never ending list of problems? Do we turn everything off and simply unplug from current events? Do we run to our doctors requesting drugs to dull the side effects of our society? Sign up for yoga classes or live on media free communes that are cut off from the world? I have no idea what the solution is but something has to give. And soon....

Stick 'Em Up

I know some people will disagree with me on this issue, but I am a huge proponent of vaccines.  I've always received my vaccines, because Glenn is active duty he always receives his (I wish all employers could make their employees receive them), and Sidney has received his on schedule.  Granted, it is never pleasant to get stuck by a needle and holding a squirming child who is being pricked is far from my favorite experience, but in my opinion, the brief amount of pain far outweighs the alternative risks.  It amazes me that, thanks to today's modern medicine, many childhood (and adult) diseases that killed or permanently disabled hundreds of thousands of people less than a century ago have all but been eliminated.  And this is due in large part to the evolving science that is making so many medical advancements possible.  I had my share of childhood sicknesses and diseases but thanks to current vaccinations, my own son won't have to endure the severe outbreak of chicken pox or other bump inducing rashes that I suffered as a child.  But as the measles outbreak in Texas and the recent resurgence of polio in Syria attests to, just because outbreaks have dramatically decreased, it is still vitally important to get all of your vaccinations.  As these outbreaks demonstrate, in today's rapidly moving and transitory world, not getting vaccinated puts the entire globe at risk.

 

And speaking of vaccines, with flu season upon us, it is important to get your flu shot.  So why get vaccinated, you ask?  Here's a few facts courtesy of our awesome Embassy health unit:

 

• The flu, or influenza, is a contagious viral infection that affects the upper respiratory system and can last for up to two weeks in healthy adults.
• The flu is easily spread with most healthy adults able to infect others beginning 1 day before symptoms develop and up to 5 to 7 days after becoming sick.

The financial impact of the flu is bigger than I ever imagined:

• A CDC study found that parents of kids who got the flu lost between 7 and 19 hours of work during the illness and if the sick child was hospitalized, the number jumped to over 70 hours.
• 200,000 people are hospitalized from flu-related complications each year.
• $87.1 billion is lost from the U.S. economy annually because of the flu and its repercussions.
• $16.3 billion is the annual toll on businesses due to the flu.
• 70 million workdays were missed by Americans in 2011 because of the flu.

 

I've heard many people say they won't bother getting the vaccine for a variety of reasons.  And contrary to some statements, deadly epidemics like the Spanish flu pandemic of 1918, are not a problem of the past. There are probably very few adults alive today who don't remember the recent avian and swine flu outbreaks.  As someone who was pregnant during the swine flu epidemic, I made sure I received vaccines for both the regular and swine flu.  My child and myself remained flu free that year.  Was it because of the vaccine?  Maybe or maybe not.  What I do know is that neither of us got sick and that is what really matters.  So why take the risk by not getting vaccinated?  You owe it to yourself, your family, and your community. 

 

Sidney and I are getting our shots this afternoon and Glenn will get his later this week. When will you get yours?

Sickies On A Plane

The only think I hate more than being sick is being around others who are sick.   (There is a good reason I'm not a nurse).  Ironically, I would rather have an extreme 24-hour bug than a cold that sticks around for weeks.  With a sickness that really knocks me out, I can justify laying low and staying in bed until I recuperate.  Colds on the other hand, are just strong enough to make me feel ill but not potent enough to hide in bed for days on end.  And that means exposing myself to others while I am sick.  And that is something I just hate doing.

It is obviously cold season here in Europe and the strain currently circulating seems to be particularly vicious since once it sets it, it just continues to linger.  Sidney came down with the bug earlier this week and by Saturday both Glenn and I felt the first signs of illness coming on.  Sunday morning we both woke up with full fledged colds.  We are lucky that this is the first time this year we have been sick but the timing couldn't be worse.  Because Sunday was also the day we were flying from Tirana to Frankfurt, I felt an extra sense of dread.  It is bad enough to be sick but to be sick and fly is the worst thing I can imagine.  Flying only exasperates my symptoms plus I think it is just flat rude to expose everyone else to my germs.  I hate being around myself when I am hacking and wheezing so why would anyone else have to endure the same fate?  I shouldn't have worried though since it seemed as though everyone else on both of our flights already had some sort of cold.

I'm not necessarily a germ-a-phobe but the thought of being trapped in an airplane with all of that coughing and sneezing made me physically ill.  I had armed myself with Day-quil and lots of fluids before boarding the plane but the dry air just exasperated my symptoms. By the time we landed in Vienna I felt horrible and the mad dash from the end of one terminal to the end of another did nothing to help the way I felt.  During the flight to Frankfurt I felt even worse but I'm not sure whether it was my own symptoms or hearing everyone else that bothered me more.  And I knew everyone on the plane was sick since Lufthansa's beverage cart was depleted of juice and water while the beer and wine sat virtually untouched.  (If you've ever flown on an afternoon or evening Lufthansa flight you know what an anomaly this is).

Today I feel even worse than I did yesterday.  I spent the day attending a series of medical appointments where everyone I encountered seemed as sick as I feel.  I guess misery loves company and I almost, just almost, found myself not being bothered by the wheezing and hacking people around me in the waiting room.  My one hope now is that this cold disappears before I have to fly home on Friday.  Here's to lots of fluids and vitamin C.