Who What When Where Why?

Who, what, when, where, why? These are all questions we were taught to ask in elementary school English class. I distinctively remember sitting in class-either in fourth or fifth grade- and having to write sentences that both asked and answered these questions. At the time it seemed like a fun exercise but now as a parent of a four year old all of these questions are coming rushing back to me. Why you ask? (No pun intended). Because my oh-so inquisitive, perpetual question asking son asks these questions of me on a continuous basis. Who is over there? Who is my friend? What does a bus do? What is pasta? When will we be there? When is tomorrow? Where are we going? Where is Belgium? Why does an airplane fly? Why is she a girl? Over and over and over again. If you are a parent or have spent any time around a four year old, you know exactly what I mean.

We've spent a considerable amount of time driving over the past week and these are the questions that Sidney has been peppering us with during every waking moment of car time. At first the questions were fun and often silly (What is good? What is bad? What is funny?) but over time many of them grew to be marginally annoying. After all, there are only so many times that I can answer the same mundane question. The phrase "when will we be there?" grows old after the first fifteen minutes. After an hour we were tempted to just stop the car so we could say yes, we are here already. But other questions really made us think. Why is the sun yellow? (Good question). What is a broken road? (I sarcastically answered that it is an Albanian road). Why are we going to Belgium? (Because of daddy's new job). The questions went on and on and in hindsight, many of them provided me with a window into what my little boy was thinking. Why are we moving? When will we go home? Where is home? Who will be there? Where are my books? Where is Nene (Sidney's beloved nanny)?

My question is how do I answer all of these more serious questions in a non-overwhelming way that a four year old can understand? How do I allay my son's unspoken fears? What are the correct answers? Are there correct answers? How will I even know?

Asking The Right Questions.................Or Not

Curiosity killed the cat; satisfaction brought him back.

References to this adage appeared in William Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing cautioning about the dangers of unnecessary exploration or investigation.  The moral is simple; asking too many questions may result in unexpected and perhaps unpleasant consequences.  Whether it be the 1513 or 2013, the principle remains the same.  So what is a person who loves to ask questions--namely me---to do?  How many questions are too many and which ones just aren't the right ones to ask?

I'm curious by nature.  If you tell me something that interests me I am apt to ask at least one follow up question. Or more.  Tease me with just a hint of information and my natural instinct is to pepper you with questions until the full story is revealed.  In some situations this may be appropriate; in others it definitely is not.  I like to think I know where the line of what questions to ask when lies.  I'll ask questions about your views on current news or recent  happenings in your home country but if your answers are cagey or vague I'm likely to not push the issue.  This doesn't mean I won't think about what you said, or perhaps more importantly, what you didn't say, but I have enough tact to know when not to push the issue.  Maybe you can't say more.  Since I dislike being put in uncomfortable situations where I might have to say I can't talk about it, I can respect your position of not being able to do the same. And of course there are some questions that just shouldn't be asked. If you have a question about someone else's family, job, or views, my response is to tell you to ask them yourself.  Please don't put me in the awkward position of having to talk about someone else.  (That my friends is called gossip).  In my opinion asking overly personal questions of all but the closest friends is beyond tacky and is just plain rude.  Maybe you wouldn't mind sharing the same level of personal information but if I want to share that level of information I will be the one to raise the subject.

Ironically enough, I am the same person who immediately becomes suspicious if I am on the receiving end of too many questions.  Ask me how my son is or how our vacation was and I am comfortable with that. Based on your reaction I might even expand my original answer.  Ask me probing questions about exactly what we did, who we saw, and why we travelled to our destination and I might become a bit suspicious. Ask me questions that come completely out of the blue or hint at something you should know nothing about and I am instantly on alert. 

For me, asking questions is all in the nuances of the context in which the inquiry is being posed.  In the right situation questions are a jumping off point for great conversation and greater knowledge about a subject.  In the wrong situation they cause anxiety, suspicion, and perhaps confusion.  Questions can be very good and I will continue to ask them; I will just make sure they are appropriate before I pose them.