The End of Innocence?

Yet another sex scandal has been circulating through the American media recently.  This time it involves  Kevin Clash, the puppeteer who has voiced the Elmo character for twenty-eight years.  I've read these newspaper articles with profound sense of sadness.  And now we have learned that the puppeteer who has portrayed this beloved children's character since his television debut will no longer be the voice of Elmo.  After two different men have stepped forward accusing Clash of entering into sexual relationships with them while they were underage, Clash and Elmo have parted ways.  As lawsuits and accusations fly, those of us who are parents are left to ponder the larger implications of this latest very public scandal and wonder how, if necessary, we can explain it to our children. This whole story is tragic on so many fronts and makes me wonder whether anything is as safe and innocent as it may seem.  Is the innocence of childhood a thing of the past or did it never really exist in the first place?

I grew up watching Sesame Street in its early days before it became an international, multi-million dollar enterprise.  This was before the little red monster known as Elmo made his first appearance; before his lisping voice and bouncy animation filled the PBS airwaves.  This was before my family even owned a color television.  Prior to becoming a parent I was aware of Elmo but was fortunate enough to avoid having an intimate knowledge of him.  Soon after Sidney's first birthday the little red monster began creeping into our lives. Soon Elmo's voice filled our waking moments with his commentary on everything from the alphabet and numbers to potty training to wild animals and everything in between.  As annoying as we found Elmo we were grateful that at least he wasn't Barney the purple dinosaur (who is actually broadcast in both English and Albanian here).  Besides Sidney loves him, refers to his stuffed Elmo as his friend, and learned his ABCs and how to be safe in an emergency from him.  When Sidney's stuffed Elmo suffered an unrepairable eye injury a new Elmo arrived from the US and was introduced as the old Elmo having undergone eye surgery that had been performed by Glenn.  Sidney was a bit skeptical but quickly came around and the entire incident turned into a lesson on empathy and caring for those who are hurt.  For better or worse, Elmo has become an integral part of our lives.

This latest revelation about Clash's personal life raises deeper ethical questions for me.  Can one's personal life be truly separated from their professional life?  What if one's professional life is as public as Clash's?  (Although until this scandal broke I had no idea what Clash even looked like).  Does someone who works in the field of childhood education--or anything related to children for that matter- have to lead a more upstanding and moral life than someone whose livelihood does not revolve around children?  Harboring back to the ongoing Petraeus scandal why are people's personal sex lives fodder for the public?  What are the biggest crimes in all of this and who decides where the line is drawn in the sand?

Fortunately Sidney is still young and has yet to identify Elmo as being anything beyond his little red friend.  Thanks to not having direct access to network news and American newspapers it is likely that this specific scandal will pass Sidney by and he can continue in his current state of innocence where Elmo is concerned.  I know that it will not always be this easy; as he gets older and more independent and we can no longer filter his access to information, as parents I know we will have to be ready to answer probing questions as they arise.  I know we will have to be ready to respond to his inquiries as they get posed.  We won't be able to--no should we--shelter Sidney from the often harsh and ugly reality that is our world.  I know that we will have to be ready to explain our personal and family values in age-appropriate ways.  I'm so not ready for the day these questions come.  In the meantime I'm going to take  solace in the fact that Sidney is only three and his biggest concern where Elmo concerned is whether he should watch the Elmo DVD about letters or the one about numbers.  Now that is truly childhood innocence.

Where are all the Mamas?

This weekend was the calm between the storms.  The month of May passed in a blur with either Glenn, myself, or both of us traveling outside of Albania each week.  With a calendar full of receptions, trips, and VIP visits ahead of us, June looks like it is shaping up to be just as busy.  Because of this, we took advantage of a full Saturday and Sunday without any plans and this weekend we just hung out and spent time together as a family.

So what does a lazy weekend look like when you have a toddler?  Playground time, ice cream, pizza, and water table activities take center stage.  Throw in some matchbox car races, building with Legos, and a smattering of Elmo videos and you have our weekend in a nutshell.

We're in the midst of potty training in the Brown household and as a result  Elmo's Potty Time DVD has become a household staple.  (I have come to realize that Elmo has a DVD for everything- bedtime, road trips, animals, letters, spring time; you name it and the Sesame Street/Elmo franchise is one step ahead of us).  We've fallen under their influence and Sidney is now a complete fan.

For those of you who have not had the (mis)fortune of viewing this potty training video, Elmo explores the concept of potty training with his father by his side.  While Sidney is missing the whole potty training concept, he screeches with excitement every time Elmo's "dada" appears on the screen.  He has the same reaction when he watches the Bedtime with Elmo and Elmo Travel Songs DVDs.  Whether on a road trip or settling into bed for the night, these videos center on the little red monster and his father spending time together.

It was midway through the third viewing of the potty video that I asked myself "where is Elmo's mother?".  Watching the videos again I counted one fleeting reference to Elmo's mom; Elmo and his father briefly mentioned how pretty she was. That was it. In the hours upon hours of cartoons, I found a single reference to the she-monster who had birthed this childhood icon.  So I asked myself:  what message does this really send?

In the United States alone, there are 13.7 million single parents raising 21.8 million children.  83.1% of these single parents are women.  On a daily basis we hear about the need for children, and especially young boys, to have positive male role models in their lives.  In an ideal world these role models would be fathers who reside in the same house as their children.  As statistics show, all too often this isn't the case.

I understand that Elmo and his muppet friends live in an inner city- the type of community where active participation by fathers lags far behind the rest of America.  I get it.  What I don't get is how come mothers aren't getting the same air time as the dads.  They are the ones, especially in the inner city neighborhoods, who are bearing the brunt of the child rearing responsibilities.  They are the ones who are potty training their children, putting them to bed, and making sure they are safe and cared for.  The overarching message of all of these Elmo stories may be that fathers need to be more involved in their childrens' lives.  If that is the case, I question who is the targeted audience of this message?  If you are three and watching Elmo you will realize it if your father isn't there helping you with the same things that Elmo's father helps him with.  If it is your mother who does these things you may wonder where Elmo's mother is or more likely, you'll wonder where your own father is.  If you are the absent father, however, you aren't there to receive any of these messages.

My own little Elmo with his Dada

Sidney is fortunate to have both a father and a mother who are there for him.  We both put him to bed, change his diapers, read to him, and take him on outings. More often than not, the three of us do these things together.  I endure the same amount, if not more, of Elmo videos, as Glenn.  Sidney has learned a lot from Elmo.  He knows his colors, his numbers and most of his alphabet.  He knows that Elmo's father takes care of him and keeps him safe.  He has learned about firetrucks, emotions, and cowboys from his little red friend.  What he hasn't learned, however, is that Elmo has two parents who love him and share in his upbringing.  Maybe I'm missing something here but I think that would be the most important, and meaningful message of all.

What I would love to see is a video that centers on Elmo and his mother. Maybe it exists and I just haven't found it yet.  If it is out there, I want to know.  That is a movie I would't mind adding to Sidney's expansive Elmo collection.

Let the Holidays Begin

Elmo and the Count ready to go

Today is Halloween.  For most people it means costumes and candy.  Here in Tirana we've had two Halloween events- one last Friday on the Embassy compound and the other tonight on the Ridge.  Both of my boys were decked out in matching costumes and collected an amount of candy that is totally out of proportion to the number of spots where they trick-or-treated. I didn't dress up and I don't plan to eat any candy.  No matter how much I try, and despite trowing a rocking Halloween party last week, I just can't get into the spirit of the holiday.  Maybe it was growing up in a rural area where trick-or-treating was not feasible.  Maybe it was the case of chicken pox on the Halloween when I was in fourth grade.   I don't know and I can't explain it.  I am just relieved that the whole Halloween thing is behind me for this year.

Halloween does have significance though.  Tomorrow ushers in my favorite time of year.  With Halloween behind me I can focus on the holidays that matters the most to me- Thanksgiving and then Christmas.   To me, these two holidays have a festive air that I wish I could experience all year long.  I have looked forward to these holidays since I was a child and like fine wine, they only improve with age.  Glenn and I met during the holiday season.  Two years ago we were blessed with the early arrival of Sidney on Thanksgiving Day.  I took his birth on my favorite holiday- plus the fact he was born after I had finished baking the Thanksgiving pies- as a sign that he too will love this holiday season.

I love the food, friends, and family that go along with this time of year.  Ok, more than this I might like the organization that goes along with these events.  The holidays are a great time for us Type A's to have our skills shine.  Starting tomorrow I can begin obsessing about my menus, guest lists, and seating charts for the multiple holiday dinners we will host.  Yes I know I will serve turkey but what will I do for sides?  Will I be able to find sweet potatoes and pecans or will I have to find Albanian substitutes?  Will my place cards be miniature turkeys, pumpkins, or both?  How will I get the timing right to get a dinner for 26 on the table at precisely at 1600?  These are the details I wait all year to ponder and for the next 24 days I can work and rework the countless possibilities for executing the perfect day.  After that I will have another 31 days to determine my strategy for Christmas.  Yes, I am a bit obsessed but isn't admitting you have a problem the first step?

Before I begin any of this, however, the Halloween costumes and my lone decoration- a glitter covered jack o'lantern- must be packed away.