Mamma, They Speak English Here

We've only been back in the States for a few days but Sidney is marveling at all of the English that is being spoken around him. It has made me realize that, other than a long weekend in England, he has no memories of being in a completely English speaking environment. (Yes, I know I am generalizing here since hundreds of languages and dialects are spoken in the United States but please bear with me on this one). His earliest memories are of our living in Albania. He spent more time with his non-English speaking nanny, playing on local Albanian playgrounds or with the neighborhood kids than he did with our American peers. As a result, by the time we left his Albania was fluent but he would excitedly point out when anyone around us was speaking English. It was almost as if it was the foreign language.

Here in Belgium Sidney attends a Belgian school where French immersion is the language of choice. Because the student body is as diverse as NATO itself, some kids already speak French but most speak their mother tongue and for most, that language isn't English. Even at the ripe age of four he has become adept at hearing a language and immediately identifying its national identity. And of course he is soaking up French faster than he did Albanian and loves to educate us on the proper way to say a variety of things in French. (And naturally it is always with the perfect accent). But despite his ear for languages, he is quick to inquire whether people will be speaking English in any particular situation and always seems pleased when we tell him they will.

So here we are back in America where English is the predominant language. He's told me some of it sounds funny (we're talking southern accents here so I can only imagine what he is going to say once we venture north into New England) but it is English none the less. "Mamma, they are speaking English" has become the refrain I've been hearing over and over again. And I must admit, it is kind of nice to not really have to think about what is being said to me. From dealing with store and hotel clerks to being able to effortlessly read street signs, this English thing is kind of nice. But at the same time it almost sounds foreign to me. In a good way, of course.

Disenchanted

With our long anticipated trip back to the United States rapidly approaching, I've been thinking a lot about America. I've been contemplating the things I've missed the most, the aspects of American society I can still do without. Given my limited amount of time, I've been trying to decide what are the must-dos on my East Coast bucket list. And much to my surprise, my contemplations are much more complex than I had originally thought they would be.

As sad as it might sound, the more I think about it there really isn't a whole lot that I really miss about the United States. (There, I said it). Yes there are friends that I miss but our nomadic lifestyle --and that of so many of our friends--- has made living in close proximity to friends and family virtually impossible. I haven't been able to see my family as much as I would like but thanks to Skype and my parents' willingness to travel we have kept in touch on a somewhat regular basis. As silly as it sounds I really miss good Mexican food but as a result of not being able to find it in Europe, my own Mexican cooking skills have been improving. I find myself longing for fresh Maine air, which ironically I haven't really experienced in over twenty years, but summer in Belgium is turning out to be remarkably similar to summer in Maine so my longings aren't really that bad. So I guess this list is pretty simple. But then there is the list of what I don't miss.........

It has been so long since I've really spent time in the U.S. so my first hand knowledge feels a bit dated. But simply put, I don't miss the image of America that I keep seeing and hearing about in newspapers and on television. Through my snippets of news I keep hearing about increasingly polarized politics in Washington, the separation of church and state being eroded in a way that makes me very uncomfortable (my own words and not something I've heard anyone actually say), what feels like weekly mass shootings and other horrible tragedies and a general environment where instant gratification and the idea that bigger is better regardless of the consequences reigns supreme. I know I must be missing some of the big, good news stories, but all in all what I am hearing makes me feel sad and disappointed in my own country.

Perhaps it is because I have such distance from home that I feel this way. Or maybe it is because of this very distance that I do. It is hard to not compare what I am hearing on the news to what I am seeing on a daily basis here in Belgium. Big bad Washington has always been a point of contention amongst Americans but by the sounds of it, politics has gotten so unbelievably ugly that the only thing happening in DC is mudslinging from both sides of the aisle. The ongoing stalemate and inability to pass any legislation is especially embarrassing as we as a country talk about the importance of being a democracy and the art of compromise. Are we really setting the example that others should follow? While President Obama bemoans the fact that out of 185 countries in the world, the United States is one of just three (Oman and Paupa New Guinea being the other two) that does not provide paid family leave for the birth of a child. How can we consider ourselves to be a great world power yet fail so miserably when it comes to taking care of and providing for our own people? And then there is the gun control debate. As the recent slaying of police officers in Las Vegas demonstrates, the ability to legally carry a concealed weapon in no means protects the community. Yet we refuse to regulate guns while banning that oh-so dangerous European import of Kinder Eggs out of fear of children choking on the small toys. If we as a country are so concerned about our children's safety why has it become so easy to receive waivers to not vaccinate children against deadly diseases? And then there are the global warming deniers and......well the list just goes on and on. All of these are issues that my European friends have questioned me about. And my explanations? I just find myself shaking my head in discouragement.

I know I sound a bit bitter and yes, disenchanted by my homeland. And I hate that feeling, I really do.
I'm hopeful that my trip back to the U.S. will reinvigorate me and renew my belief that America really is a great country. I'm hoping to see a perspective that I have been missing and feel renewed hope that as a country we are on the right track. And I will see that, right? I hope..........

When In Rome (Tirana Or Mons........)

Its a phrase I've heard expressed by fellow Americans over and over again; why can't life in other countries be more like life in America. I heard it while living in Albania, I'm hearing it now that we are in Belgium and I've even heard it from Americans traveling in other countries. There is comfort in the predictable and the known and it seems as though many people, and Americans in particular, want this level of comfort regardless of where they are in the world. But for me, it begs the question of why are we overseas if what we really want is our American lives. If we are tourists in foreign cities why would we want to eat the same meal that we can get at our local Hard Rock Cafe or McDonald's at home?

It is a little more complex for those of us who are actually living overseas. For some of us, the move may have been a family decision that was discussed and agreed upon by everyone involved.  But for others, the move to a new country may have been a work driven decision where everyone in the family isn't on board. We may not like change, the unexpected, or "foreign" ways of doing things. Regardless of the circumstances, however, I honestly don't think we as Americans should have any expectation of the locals changing their ways and the way they live to accommodate us. After all, would we do the same for foreign visitors in our country?

Having lived overseas for three years in two separate and very different countries, I completely understand the frustrations of longing for the comforts and familiarity of home. There are days that I would love to be able to go to the grocery store and immediately recognize the labels on the products lining the shelves. And convenience stores? How wonderful would it be to be able to pop into a store to pick up a single item late at night.  A one stop store similar to a CVS where you can fill prescriptions and buy a bottle of shampoo at the same time. Nope, not an option here either (although it is wonderful to go to a pharmacy without a prescription and walk out with the medicine you need). But alas, these really aren't options for me in Belgium and I don't expect Belgians to build these stores simply to appease my desire for American conveniences.

I personally love food and am open to trying new foods whenever the opportunity arises. I realize that many people don't share this philosophy and that is fine. But just because a food is foreign to you doesn't give you license to insult it and the people who enjoy it. Just because it isn't eaten in America doesn't mean it is bad or inedible. Believe it or not, there are people who don't relish the idea of eating bacon, barbecue ribs or a Big Mac. The legal age for drinking alcohol is lower in Europe than it is in the United States but does that mean that Europe needs to change their laws to accommodate what Americans are accustomed to and comfortable with? I think not. As Americans we may be accustomed to a certain level of customer service in stores, a rapid response from the police when a crime occurs, and a give and take relationship with our children's teachers. But as Americans abroad we need to adjust our ways and expectations to what is the local norm. After all, nothing perpetuates the ugly American personae than expecting everyone else to change their ways to make us comfortable.

So when in Rome, Tirana, Mons or whichever foreign city I find myself in, I continually remind myself that I am merely a guest in the country. I may find some practices odd or simply different than what I am used to, but I will do my best to assimilate to and learn from the local culture. I certainly won't insult it because their way of doing something is new to me. When I return home I may savor (maybe) the conveniences and comforts that are unique to America. But in the meantime I'm going to try to live like a local, however different that may be from what I am used to.