And This Is Why I Blog......

Why do I blog? Depending upon the day the answer may vary but the one response that always holds true is that I blog because of my fellow blogging community. And yes as bloggers are well aware, we are a community. Regular readers of this blog know my posts cover every topic under the sun. From trips we take and the struggles of life as a military family to current event commentary and parenting and life struggles, I think I've written about them all. Posts may be silly or serious or fall somewhere in between. Sometimes my posts will elicit lots of comments while other times they don't. And that is OK because receiving feedback isn't the driving force behind why I write. But every once in a while a topic will resonate with a person or two (or three, four, or five.....) and comments will flow in. And when they do, especially  for my more personal postings, these virtual comments and in many cases, support, means the world to me.

Earlier this week I blogged about a particularly difficult parenting struggle we are facing in our house. At first I hesitated to publish my post out of fear of criticism of my parenting skills. After all, the topic was just so personal. But then I remembered that a big part of blogging is putting yourself out there so that is what I did. And sure enough, within minutes of publishing my post comments started flowing into my in box like a virtual hug. I quickly discovered that so many other parents, both friends and complete strangers, had shared similar parenting struggles and survived. Their stories and experiences could have been my own; actually I felt as though many were my own. Receiving all of this feedback was like sitting around a table with my girlfriends. I no longer felt alone in my struggles and actually felt like what I was going through was normal. (And in this crazy filled world, who doesn't want to feel normal?).

Because we have been picking up and moving every few years it has been hard for me to put down real roots so those table top chats with girlfriends are all too few and far between. But as I am realizing with increasing frequency, my blogging community is filling this much needed niche for me. Just as I am moved by so many of the writings by my fellow bloggers I'm learning that my posts also move others. Sometimes I comment on what others have written while other times I simply take silent comfort in knowing that others share my thoughts and struggles. But when I do comment I often engage in a conversation with bloggers I have never met only to realize that we have a lot in common. Some of these fellow writers have become my virtual friends. Other commenters are people I know in "real life" and considered to be casual acquaintances but thanks to modern technology I have gotten to know better and now I consider them to be friends. And friends, regardless of whether you know them in person or only online, provide support to one another.

And this is why I blog. So to anyone who reads my blog, thank you. Your friendship and support mean the world to me.

Until We Meet Again

No matter how many times I do it, saying goodbye to dear friends never gets easier.  I suppose I should be used to it by now but I'm not.  And as is the case all too often, today I said goodbye to a dear friend here in Tirana.  I know it really isn't goodbye since we will definitely see each other again but her departure means that things are changing, our relationship is changing, and life as I know it in Tirana is changing.  For me, this is all really hard.

We met over two years ago during my first days in Albania.  It was a very hot June day and despite still being jet lagged, with Sidney in tow, I attended my first together of fellow military attache spouses.  For some unknown reason I had been told that none of the wives spoke a lot of English so I should be prepared to speak Albanian.  (In hindsight it is really the opposite; most speak at least some English and very little, if any, Albanian).  Now my Albanian wasn't that great so on the walk to the cafe I practiced sentences I both felt comfortable with and those that would be appropriate getting to know you topics.  By the time I arrived I felt confident that I could do this.  But when I turned to the woman sitting next to me and addressed her in Albanian I was met with a blank stare and asked in perfect English whether or not I spoke the language.  Surprised and relieved I stammered yes and we proceeded to converse in English.  And so began our friendship.

Since that hot day our friendship has grown.  We've shared long lunches (meals that are even considered to be long by European standards) and attended more than our fair share of official receptions.  We've sat through too many garbled dinner toasts and speeches and tried to identify plates of mystery meat together.  (She taught me that claiming to be a vegetarian is always a safe decision).  Together we've witnessed various forms of traditional Albanian dance and music as well as Albanian interpretations of western classics.  We've discussed everything from pop culture to world politics and have both broadened our horizons because of it.  Over time our husbands have become friends and joined into our little mix.  Meals with just the four of us are some of my fondest Albanian memories and after two years I think we've finally convinced them that Americans have no business selecting the wine.  We've traveled together:  from questionable hotel accommodations in Macedonia, to exploring the island of Corfu and most recently a celebratory girl's trip involving lots of food and wine to Madrid, we've created lasting memories that I will treasure forever.

Some people think the nomadic diplomatic life is glamorous but I haven't found that to always be the case.  For every unique opportunity we've had, it has been countered with an unsettling challenge or demand.  All too often our time isn't our own but we must muddle through and find the balance that works for us. I've discovered that this is the case regardless of which country you hail from and having had this dear friend here has made this entire experience infinitely easier.  We've shared personal and professional frustrations and disappointments, joys and celebrations.  We both had successful, full fledged careers prior to meeting our globe trotting military husbands so we have commiserated together about just how hard it is to be a trailing spouse.  She has been my reality and sanity check here in Tirana and has set me straight when I start to go awry.  She gets it and understands and for that I am grateful.  And for all of these reasons, and many more, I am going to miss her so.

But this isn't goodbye.  As I said before, we will see each other again.  Weekly lunches may be a thing of the past but this just means that our next lunch will have to be longer than usual.  Because our family will be remaining in Europe for another three years I know that I will visit her in her home and she will visit me in Belgium.  (However, no matter what I say or do, I can't convince her to return to Albania to visit me before we depart).  However, I know there will be more girls weekends and I'm already compiling a list of destinations.

So dear friend, fair winds and following seas until we meet again.  Come visit (in Albania or Belgium) and I promise you a few laughs,  properly chilled wine waiting and clean slippers by the door.

Everything Will Be All Right

My happy place:  the beaches of Kauai

I've been in another funk recently.  Perhaps it is the weather.  What should be a hot June in the Mediterranean has been anything but.  Days are cool, overcast, and filled with rain with sultry summer days only a distant memory.  I may not love the scorching heat but a little sun now and then would do me wonders.  I know I've been struggling to stay focused on the here and now rather than thinking ahead a few months to when we will move onto our next big adventure.  I'm in the midst of an inner turmoil with changing my personal expectations for myself and the community around me since the only thing that comes from obsessing over what I see are the social faux pas and other as sundry woes around me is sleepless nights (for me) and a sense of profound disappointment.  I continually remind myself that I can only change myself and must learn to accept others for what they are regardless of whether or not I agree with them.  And most of all I haven't been writing; well, I have been writing but have been wisely not publishing my thoughts least I offend or ostracize someone.  (It is really better to keep some of these thoughts to myself for the time being).  On top of all of this I've been feeling that everything I do is obligatory.  Sure I know must go to work if I want to get paid but what about all of those unpaid responsibilities I am expected to take on.  I don't have the option to decide not to attend that reception or host that dinner because I don't feel like it or a better offer comes along (all excuses I've heard from several people over the past few weeks). 

For me (us) the show must go on and as such, we attended a reception on Monday night then hosted a sit down dinner in our home yesterday.  Being out of character for myself, I approached both half-heartedly.  Monday I got dressed minutes before we were to depart and started wondering how long we would have to stay before we even arrived.  (In the end my lack of preparation left me feeling like a frump but I had a great time and, being totally out of character for us, we stayed until the very end).  Yesterday's dinner was planned in the same hasty manner.  Feeling burned out with cooking I succumbed to cooking pseudo-Italian food for a table full of Italians (Early on I had made a vow to never cook the food from our guest's home country but desperate times call for desperate measures).  My one addition to the otherwise Italianesque meal was a chilled cucumber soup which would have been more appropriate if the weather was hot instead of cool and damp.  Minutes before dinner was served I found myself questioning this menu choice and wondering if the lack of a soup course would be noticed.  But the soup quandary wasn't as bad as my opening a container of desperately needed cream only to find that it had turned bad well before its stamped expiration date.  This resulted in a harried phone call to Glenn who went to the store on his way home to pick up fresh supplies. Unsure of what he needed to buy for me, he snapped pictures of possible items for my approval before heading to the check-out line.  All of this ended with my making last minute preparations that did nothing to improve my outlook on the evening. 

But in the end, it all worked out.  We did have a great time at the reception on Monday night and enjoyed that event more than any other we have attended to date.  Yesterday the rain stopped, the puddles disappeared, and for a brief time before it grew dark, the sun even came out.  Pre-dinner drinks were so relaxed and enjoyable that I didn't want to move onto the actual dinner. Dinner itself was perfectly cooked and executed with even the soup, which was initially met with skeptical looks from guests, being consumed with gusto.  Conversation was lively and intellectually stimulating and as I sat back and looked around me I realized that this dinner was so much more than the representational one it had set out to be.  We were amongst friends; people who originally came together for professional purposes but have since achieved a sense of comfort with one another that has moved us to another level.  This was a group where we could discuss topics covering everything from international politics and religion to family and (yes) even the weather.  We ate, laughed, drank, then ate some more.  Guests lingered at the table long after the typical departure time and I didn't mind.  Rather I enjoyed it.

I won't go as far as saying that Albania is my happy place, but in the end it isn't always the location that makes things all right.  The important thing is to carve out your own niche and to surround yourself with like minded people and friends.  Last night I did just that.  And, for good measure, I fell asleep thinking about the beaches of Kauai, my personal geographic happy place.

A Diplomatic Ladies Lunch

The Defense Attache Corps here in Tirana is small; whereas some countries have numerous embassies with large, multi-staffed offices, the one here in Tirana is as small as the country itself.  Throw in the fact that half of the Attaches are either single or do not have spouses who accompanied them to Tirana and we end up with a small, yet eclectic group of women.  (Yes, we are all women; I'm not sure how a high ranking female foreign military officer would be received in Albania).

Periodically we spouses will get together without our husbands.  Our get togethers inevitably involve food, lots of coffee, and even more laughing.  I am fortunate that English is the "common" language amongst the group.  That said, there are spouses who speak very little or no English at all.  Others have a solid and ever improving comprehension of the language and a few of us are truly fluent. A few of us speak some Albanian. Hence, if nothing else our get togethers are always amusing.  We represent a diversity of countries, cultures, and ages.  Some of us are raising children, others are now grandmothers, and there are spouses with no children at all.  Despite our language barriers we have a lot in common.  After all, every one of us is a military spouse who has first hand experience with the hardships, responsibilities, and long separations that are a part of being a military family.  Currently we are all foreigners living in a strange. We share a love of our individual countries (who might not always get along) but these fundamental differences don't prevent our friendships.  We are all strong and independent women.

Our most recent social event involved coffee at two separate cafes--this is Albania after all-- with a lunch at a traditional Kosovarian restaurant squeezed in between.  Whereas some of our get togethers have been more formal, think coffee sipped from china cups--this one was anything but.  We sat in a small dark restaurant with old men and the City's sanitation works eating platters of qofta, pickled cabbage, and drank Peja beer directly from the bottle.  I'm sure the sight of us with our designer handbags and bottles of hand sanitizer gave the regulars plenty to look at and talk about.  The food was surprisingly good but the best part of the meal was the company.  We shared pictures of our children and discussed the cultural differences of baptisms in our different countries. (Somehow when together, we always have at least one completely random discussion).  We compared notes on whose husband had told them what, what the Attache social schedule looked like for the next month, and because this was right after our presidential elections, President Obama. (I am continually impressed by how well versed foreigners are in both current American politics and American history). When we reached a language stumbling block miming and acting out what we were trying to say became a perfectly acceptable way to communicate.  (The word "rooster" might be different in each language but the sound the bird makes is always the same!).  Somehow it all makes sense in the end. 

By the end of lunch my stomach hurt from not only eating too much but laughing too hard.  As is the case whenever I get together with any of my female friends- regardless of their nationality, political affiliation, or familial status, I am always grateful for their friendship.  I have come to count on this small group of friends for laughter and support.  It reiterates to me that through the thick and thin, good times and bad, it is friends that get us through.  So thank you, TMAA ladies.


TMAA ladies lunching