Breaking The Silence

I'm back; or to be more accurate, the blog is back. With the exception of a few pictures, this site has been pretty quiet for the past couple of months. It wasn't because I didn't want to blog---I did and had so many thoughts and ideas to share---but I just couldn't seem to put words to paper---or fingers to the keyboard. Writers know this as "writer's block". Call it what you will but my inability to put my thoughts down in a coherent manner has been driving me crazy. But this dry spell, I am daring to say, is behind me.

But my silence has been more than writer's block as I've been thinking a lot about this blog and what it means to me. I started blogging in 2011 to document our adventures as we moved from the East Coast of the United States to Tirana, Albania. My intent at the time was to keep family and friends back home up to date with our lives. But over time this blog evolved into so much more. As I continued to write about our adventures I began to write more in more detail about the places we went and the people we met. Perhaps the blog was becoming a travel blog. But I also documented the struggles, joys and head scratching moments I encountered in parenting an inquisitive and ever changing toddler who quickly grew into a pre-schooler who was precocious and wise beyond his years. Was I a mommy blogger? I've documented our dilemmas around being a military family whose future has never truly been entirely in our own control but I as our active duty times reaches its sunset, we've been distancing ourselves from the armed forces community and focusing on what lies ahead. So no, I don't consider myself to be a military spouse blogger. I've never been one to want to create controversy but occasionally I've written about my take on a current event or political issue. Or what I perceive as an injustice taking place around me. And sometimes I've gotten a bit too personal or ruffled a few thin-skinned feathers in the process. That has never been my intent as I neither want to hurt people nor turn this site in a place of controversy. So what is this space and what do I want to put here as I move forward?

This is what I've been thinking about over the past couple of months. I had been wondering whether this blog had served its usefulness and whether it was time to shut it down. But I couldn't quite get myself to pull that trigger. Taking the blog down just seemed too....sad......final.....almost like cutting off a limb. I've met wonderful people through my blogging community and the thought of turning the blog off felt as though I would be severing myself from this group of peers. I contemplated whether the blog simply needed a singular focus rather than being all over the place. After all, a year after starting this blog I started another blog dedicated solely to my adventures in cooking. (And that blog is still alive and well). I toyed with the idea of focusing solely on our travel adventures, or parenting dilemmas, or perhaps the struggle of where we go next and what retirement will look like for  us. But none of these ideas felt quite right on their own. At the end of the day my scattered approach to writing about anything and everything works for me. Because this blog is me, is about me and try as I might, I am really not a singularly focused person.

Over the past week spring has finally begun to emerge here in Belgium. The sun has been making a more regular appearance and despite Daylight Savings Time not springing into effect here in Europe for another couple of weeks, the days are definitely getting longer. There is more light, more sunshine and slightly warmer temperatures. It feels as though a rebirth is underway throughout Belgium so what more appropriate time for my blog to come out of her winter hibernation. Her reemergence is likely to be slow going but I'm sure the pace of my postings will pick up speed as spring fully arrives. After all I have months worth of travel adventures, stories of first loves and painful goodbyes and things that make you go "hmmmmm" to share.

So look out blogging world, I'm back.

Thirty Posts In Thirty Days

Back on the 1st of November I said I was up for the challenge and this time around I am proud to say that I made it. Yes I did. For the first time in three years I met the NaBloPoMo challenge and actually blogged every single day in November. And while making it here has been rewarding and I have a sense of accomplishment, I am mentally exhausted. Yes exhausted.

Most days I love blogging. Sitting in front of the computer for a few minutes and jotting down whatever comes to mind is relaxing. It is an aerobic workout for my mind. Until it isn't that is. There were a few mornings this month when just the thought of having to write something was painful. Like going to the gym on those mornings when you'd rather just stay in bed. While you know it will be good for you and that you will feel better when you are done, it is simply the last thing you want to do. It would have been easier to not power up the laptop and instead focus on the bazillion other things that over fill my days. But even on those mornings I powered through and accomplished what I set out to do. (After all, if I skipped a day I'd have to wait an entire eleven months before I could get a "re-do").

So yes I did it. And now that I've met my goal I'm going to turn off the computer and focus on what the rest of the day has in store for me. At the moment that includes decorating the house for Christmas........maybe I should just write some more instead!

Here We Go Again

Its that time of year again. And no I'm not talking about Thanksgiving, Christmas, shopping sprees or winter. That time of year is the annual NaBloPoMo challenge where bloggers across the world are challenging themselves to blog every day during the month of November. This is my third go at it. The first year I did blog every day; the second year I almost made it but life got in the way. This time I'm determined to once again blog every day.

Will each blog post be profound? Probably not. But that's OK by me because for me, NaBloPoMo is about a personal recommitment to myself and my writing. For me, writing is my "me time"; the time when I can reflect on both the macro and micro worlds around me. It is a time that is important for me as a wife, mother and individual. The time may be short and many times rushed but when I blog its all about me. My thoughts and my opinions. When I'm writing I'm not cleaning up or cooking for someone else; I'm not driving from point A to point B and I'm not worrying about taking care of someone else. Rather, I'm taking care of myself by focusing on myself for a brief moment or two. And while I try really hard to do this on a daily basis year around, in November I make a concerted effort to make this happen.

So amongst the rush and chaos of a daily life that moves on fast forward from here until the end of the year, I'm taking a few minutes each day to concentrate on my writing. What I produce may be silly, serious or inane. It may be filled with words, pictures or a bit of both. But something will appear on this page every day for the next 30 days because that is my promise to myself.

Thank you NaBloPoMo.

Blog Anonymous

My blog has been a bit quieter recently as I struggle with an internal debate. And I suspect this debate is one that many bloggers have had at one time or another. My dilemma is around  how much is too much to write? How much honesty is too much? Is it better to keep my opinions to myself lest I offend someone? But in doing any of the above doesn't it negate the very reason to blog? Yes, no, maybe.....

First I have been asking myself the question of why I blog. My answer is, it depends. I started blogging when we first moved overseas as a way of keeping family and friends abreast of what was going on in our lives. But over the past three plus years the nature and intent of my blog has been changing. Some days I blog to share my experiences with the world--we have had some amazing travel experiences and I write about many of them. Other times I blog to share my opinion about what I see around me and on occasion, to ask for a reality check about whether others may be feeling the same way. Sometimes I write to let off steam over person frustrations or to share my struggles with the hope of hearing that I am not completely alone. I am careful to not use my blog as a forum to jump all over an individual or a group or to intentionally make anyone feel bad. When I discuss negative experiences or personal frustrations I try to mask individual identities lest I come across as being accusatory. But sometimes it inadvertently happens and feelings do get hurt.

But this brings me back to the very nature of a blog. I fully understand that when I blog I am putting my thoughts, ideas, and feelings (essentially anything they chose to write about) out there for the entire world to see. Does the entire world read it? Unlikely. But do some people see what is written? Absolutely. And while my blog may not have a huge following, by reader comments, personal emails and blog statistics, I do know that what I write reaches a fair number of people. The majority of the people who read my blog are complete strangers to me while others are fellow members of the blogging community that I know only virtually. Some of the people who read my blog are personal friends while others are family. But increasingly, more people I personally know are reading what I write and here lies my deepest dilemma.

When I blog I am comforted by the perceived anonymity of it all; I can vent about bad days, bad experiences and bad behaving family members and no one is the wiser. Unless they read it. Over the years I've had a few people try to initiate me in online arguments when they take issue with something I've written. Initially these comments will cause me to pause and revisit and re-think about what I've written but more often than not, I stand by my original words. It is so much easier to dismiss the grumblings of strangers than it is when I know the complainants personally. On more than one occasion the person who takes issue with what I've written isn't even the subject of my blog entry. Or they might be and they start a campaign to convince me that I am wrong. But it is my blog---so can I be wrong on this page when what I've written is clearly my opinion. Isn't that what freedom of speech is all about?

So this brings me back to the blog silence as of late. My mind has been reeling with lots of feelings and issues that I've just been itching to put into words here. I've even gone as far as writing them out but when I go to hit the publish button I pause. I wonder if my being honest and open is worth the potential heartache that might ensue if the "wrong" person reads what I've written. Do I simply need to grow a thicker skin and publish what I want or should I simply stifle my words on my own blog in the name of harmony and peace?

But there is another option out there that I have been exploring; it is the world of anonymous blogging. There are entire blogs out there where writers contribute their pieces to be published anonymously. I love these sites for their brutal honesty about so many of the issues we all struggle with. It is on these pages that I feel as though I have peers who are honest about their struggles with friends, family and life in general. Its refreshing. And I feel as though many of my unpublished posts would find the perfect home on these sites. Perhaps it is here that I need to start devoting some of my writing energy. Is it ideal? I think not. But for the sake of "world peace" it might be the best option.

And This Is Why I Blog......

Why do I blog? Depending upon the day the answer may vary but the one response that always holds true is that I blog because of my fellow blogging community. And yes as bloggers are well aware, we are a community. Regular readers of this blog know my posts cover every topic under the sun. From trips we take and the struggles of life as a military family to current event commentary and parenting and life struggles, I think I've written about them all. Posts may be silly or serious or fall somewhere in between. Sometimes my posts will elicit lots of comments while other times they don't. And that is OK because receiving feedback isn't the driving force behind why I write. But every once in a while a topic will resonate with a person or two (or three, four, or five.....) and comments will flow in. And when they do, especially  for my more personal postings, these virtual comments and in many cases, support, means the world to me.

Earlier this week I blogged about a particularly difficult parenting struggle we are facing in our house. At first I hesitated to publish my post out of fear of criticism of my parenting skills. After all, the topic was just so personal. But then I remembered that a big part of blogging is putting yourself out there so that is what I did. And sure enough, within minutes of publishing my post comments started flowing into my in box like a virtual hug. I quickly discovered that so many other parents, both friends and complete strangers, had shared similar parenting struggles and survived. Their stories and experiences could have been my own; actually I felt as though many were my own. Receiving all of this feedback was like sitting around a table with my girlfriends. I no longer felt alone in my struggles and actually felt like what I was going through was normal. (And in this crazy filled world, who doesn't want to feel normal?).

Because we have been picking up and moving every few years it has been hard for me to put down real roots so those table top chats with girlfriends are all too few and far between. But as I am realizing with increasing frequency, my blogging community is filling this much needed niche for me. Just as I am moved by so many of the writings by my fellow bloggers I'm learning that my posts also move others. Sometimes I comment on what others have written while other times I simply take silent comfort in knowing that others share my thoughts and struggles. But when I do comment I often engage in a conversation with bloggers I have never met only to realize that we have a lot in common. Some of these fellow writers have become my virtual friends. Other commenters are people I know in "real life" and considered to be casual acquaintances but thanks to modern technology I have gotten to know better and now I consider them to be friends. And friends, regardless of whether you know them in person or only online, provide support to one another.

And this is why I blog. So to anyone who reads my blog, thank you. Your friendship and support mean the world to me.

Vote For Albania, Vote For Me

You may have noticed two icons on the right of this page; a blue and white one that says "Expat Blogs" and a turquoise and white one that says "Expat Blog Awards 2013".  By clicking either of them you enter into a vast world of expat bloggers located all around the globe.  We are of hundreds of nationalities, are located on six of the seven continents and we all write about our experiences living abroad.  The annual blog awards are a way of showcasing the best of what the international blogging world has to offer.  And although my blog has been around for over two years, this is the first time I've entered the Expat Blog Awards writing contest.  For this year's contest we were challenged to submit a top list for our country.  Submissions could be funny or serious, long, short and everything in between with the singular intent of highlighting our adopted countries.  I took one look at this and thought game on!

As our time in Albania winds down to mere days I've been reflecting back on the past thirty months since we boarded the airplane in Washington D.C. bound for the Albanian unknown.  In hindsight we were clueless about what the future held for us.  Our time in Albania hasn't always been easy but it has always been an adventure.  We've visited places I never dreamed of, had experiences that we will remember for a life time, and grown closer as a family.  We've made life long friends and seen things that just make us shake our heads.  Albania is a quirky place that grows on you and as such, I've compiled my experiences into The Top 10 Reasons You Should Visit Albania.

Now I happen to be the only blogger listed from Albania but please don't let that disuade you from what I'm about to ask next.  Please click here to access the Expat Blog Awards 2013 entry page.  Because the entries are listed alphabetically, I'm the first one!  In order to accumulate votes I need you to read my entry then leave a comment of 10 words or more. If you feel so inspired you can like or share the entry on Facebook or Twitter to help me garner even more votes.   Time is short so please vote by December 20th and then look for my actual entry on this blog in the near future.  Because pesky spammers are the bane of a bloggers existence, all comments will be verified so if this the first time you are commenting on an Expats Blog blog, please check your inbox.  And while you are visiting the contest page, check out some of the other entries.  There really is an amazing world out there and bloggers are capturing all of it.

Happy Anniversary.........

................to my blog!  Yes, it's been two years since Albania or Bust went live and I started blogging about this crazy life of ours.  My tag line includes the phrase "the wild ride we are on" and little did I know at the time I typed out those words how true this really would be.  I started the blog as a way to keep friends and family updated on our adventures but since the first entry it has evolved into so much more.  My first entry back on 31 May 2011 talked about the final remnants of our house getting packed up and moved into long term storage as we started on what I thought would be a two year journey. After two hundred and seventy-two blog entries (and counting) I've visited places I never even dreamed about, felt emotions I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, and had experiences that I wouldn't trade for anything.  It hasn't been all good but it has been exciting, challenging, and eye opening and in the end there aren't any regrets.  And all of it has been captured right here.

Yes it has been a wild ride and if things continue to go our way, the fun is only going to continue.  Our initial two years has been extended to 31 months (but who is counting) and if all goes as planned our European adventure will continue until 2017.  (Yes, that is a long time to go without seeing my afore mentioned items that are sitting in a Northern Virginia warehouse).  Eventually this blog's name will likely change but I will continue to write about our family's adventures and everything that comes our way and you my readers will be able to continue reading about it right here.  So here's to another fruitful year of family adventures and my blogging about them.

Dear Anonymous

Anonymous:  (as defined by the Merriam-Webster Dictionary) Being of unknown authorship or origin; lacking individuality, distinction, or originality.

There are many reasons someone might choose to remain anonymous.  My favorite is when generous people make significant, or perhaps not so significant, contributions to causes they believe in.  There is something extra special about meaningful gifts that come out of sheer benevolence without the expectation, or desire, for recognition.  It could be a gift of time, money, or services.  Whether the recipient be a local charity, youth organization, or one's college alma mater, I love seeing this pure generosity.  It really doesn't get more selfless than this.

Other times anonymity may serve a totally different purpose.  Perhaps someone has witnessed a crime and wants to report it but fears retribution.  They know reporting the crime is the right thing to do but doing so publicly isn't worth the personal sacrifice.  Yet they still want to do the right thing.  Maybe an employee is aware of unethical behavior in the workplace and wants to have the matter investigated without being openly labeled as a whistle blower.  Or perhaps it is a child witnessing the bullying of a peer and wants it to stop without their becoming a target themselves.  In my opinion, these are the exact reasons for anonymity.  And then there are the not so positive uses of anonymity.

When we were stateside reading the local newspaper was one of my important daily rituals.  The easiest way to put my finger on the pulse of a community is to read the letters to the editor.  These snippets of opinion provide great insight into the political leanings, values, and issues of importance within a community.  Many of these letters are insightful yet some of the most inflammatory are often authored by someone named "anonymous".  As the media world has moved away from print and into cyberspace this seems to be increasingly the case.  More often than not letters, especially the ranting ones, are signed by an anonymous writer.  Really?  If you felt so inspired to opine a response to something you have read, shouldn't you be willing to identify yourself?  What are you hiding by not attaching your name to your letter?

This behavior has always bothered me but in recent weeks it has been hitting too close to home.  As a blogger I often comment on posts I read but I always identify myself, either by my blogging names (I have two separate ones) or my email address.  After all, I am expressing my opinion and by identifying myself I am allowing the blog's author to enter into a dialog with me.  I welcome the same with my own blogs.  Anonymous comments that are supportive or positive I can handle (although I still wish readers would identify themselves), but if you are making a negative, critical, or downright inflammatory comment, please identify yourself.  If you object or feel strongly about something I have written, please tell me who you are and why you feel this way and give me a chance to respond.  Ranting, insults, or downright vicious comments achieve nothing other than my deleting the poisonous words.

My blog is my own but over the past two weeks numerous anonymous comments spewing hateful comments about me and my thoughts have been popping up.  I am very clear that my writings are my own opinions and as such I do not speak for anyone else.  I identify who I am, where I am coming from, and why I feel the way I do.  I am entitled to my own opinions and will continue to speak freely and encourage my readers to do the same.  Prior to now I have allowed readers to freely publish their comments on my blog.  Now, because of recent comments that I can only label as hateful and malicious, I am forced to moderate what is being published.  I don't like doing this but also don't like turning on my laptop and seeing vicious words on my blog.  These comments have left me feeling violated and vulnerable and as anyone who has even been in that position knows, it is a horribly uncomfortable feeling.

So here is my request to everyone out there:  please continue to read my blog and post your comments.  I want to hear them and I will respond but I need to know who you are. Don't hide behind the potential anonymity of the internet.  I don't and take ownership for what I say.  I am proud of what I write and will continue to be found right here, publishing on this blog under my own name.  I have nothing to hide.

My Mind Is A-Twirling

Yes, it has finally happened to me.  For the past few days I just haven't had it in me to blog.  Sure I've been tired and between home and work have felt pulled in a hundred and one directions as of late.  I've been feeling stretched thinner than ever but overall this isn't so very different from how I have felt during much of the past year. There is something very unique (for me at least) about what I've been experiencing of late.  While I've been continuing to carve out the time each day so that I can sit down in front of the computer to write, nothing is happening. Nada. Nothing. Nil.  For what is probably the first time in years, I have writer's block.  I had always heard about this happening to other people but had never experienced it for myself.  Until now that is.

I still have numerous ideas floating around in my head.  Perhaps that is the problem since, while I have all of these thoughts, I am unable to type them out in any coherent fashion.  For the past three days I've been sitting down, turning on the computer and struggling to write.  And much to my surprise, nothing has been coming out.  The first day I thought it was a fluke so I let it slide.  The second day was more of the same.  I've tried writing about serious issues as well as humorous ones but both have yielded the same disappointing results.  I quickly lost track of the number of topics I tried to write about over the past couple of days only to delete what I had written after only a couple of sentences typed over hours.  The more I tried, the more forced and ergo, disappointing my results.

In my attempt to break free I'm writing about not being able to write. Ironically, this seems to be working for me.  In the past fifteen minutes I've typed out more coherent words than I have since last week.  Have I finally broken through?  Only time will tell for sure but I'm taking the fact that this is the first time since Saturday that I've actually finished a post as a good sign.

Whew, I Made It!

Yes I did.  In my first attempt at NaBloPoMo, a challenge to blog every day during the month of November, I made it. Between this blog and my related food blog, I managed to post an entry on each and every one of November's 30 days. 

For the first few days it wasn't easy.  The beginning of the month was very busy with work and personal commitments taking up a big chunk of my time.  Instead of spontaneously writing whenever the mood struck me, I had to make a conscious effort to sit down in front of the computer and write.  But after day five something amazing happened. I found my rythm and suddenly sitting down to write each day was not only easy but it was something I looked forward to.  Granted most of my actual writing took place during the dark early morning or late night hours of the day while the rest of the house was still sleeping.  That was OK, however.  What was really important was that I was accomplishing what I had wanted the most:  carving out dedicated time for myself doing one of the things I love the most.

When I entered into this challenge I wondered whether or not I would have enough to say.  I think I was initially too worried about this which, ironically enough, created a writer's block during the first week.  Once I got over this hurdle the words and thoughts just flowed.  And appparently I did have plenty to say.  This shouldn't surprise people who know me since after all I am a talker, I am opinionated, and I love to share my opinions with others.  After all, isn't that what blogging is all about?

Writing over this past month has been liberating.  My posts have ranged from commentary on current affairs, pet peeves that get my blood boiling, travel to new places, causes that are deeply personal, and of course, favorite recipes.  With increased posts comes increased exposure.  I've gained new readers who have engaged me in though provoking conversations.  In turn I've discovered new bloggers who have expanded my own world.  (As a participant in NaBloPoMo we are asked to also read a handful of new blogs each day).  My comments have offended some people but I take the good with the bad and while I try to be considerate of other's feelings, I make no apologies for my thoughts.  From the serious to the humorous and everything in between, my blogs covered it all.

Thirty days ago when I entered into this challenge I questioned my ability to stick to it.  Ironically as I sit here on the final day I realize that I have more thoughts than there were days in the month.  So what does this mean?  I guess I need to continue with NaBloPoMo for the month of December.  Yes, given the numerous holiday celebrations, daily life and planned travel, it will be even more of a challenge but I'm up for it.  They say it takes two weeks for something to become a habit.  Daily blogging has become such an important part of each day that I can't give it up.  So here's to another thirty-one days of entries. 

Blogging for Blogging's Sake

Blogging.  Who would have thought it would become such a popular trend?  It seems like everyone is doing it.  Not too long ago I discovered BlogHer; a website dedicated to posting and supporting blogs written by women.  According to their press information they provide a platform "for over 50 million women who blog and their readers to gain exposure, education, community, and empowerment."  Scrolling through their website one can find links to women's commentaries on just about any topic. Food, parenting, travels, sex, religion, current events.  The list goes on but if you want to read --or write--about it, there is a blog out there talking about it.  I could- and many times do- spend countless hours reading the interesting and thought provoking posts being shared by other women from all over the world.  BlogHer's network has grown so expansive that they hold annual conferences that bring bloggers together.  (Hint, hint Glenn- I want to go).  This vast, and mostly virtual, networking tool is something that other institutions should be envious of.  And I am proud to say that this blog is now a part of such a fantastic network.

Why do I blog?  Unlike so many women who have spun their blogs into full time jobs (After my failed money making attempt where I earned a whopping 32 cents over the course of two months, I often wonder how they actually make money off of this enterprise).  For me the purpose is much more personal.  These days sitting down to write is a rare opportunity for me to have my own identity and do something that is just for me.  When I sit down in front of my laptop (which more often than not is during the pre-dawn or late night hours), for a brief time I am Zosia the blogger. Not a wife; not a mother; not the Embassy CLO; not the DATT spouse; but myself with my own thoughts, ideas, and completely free reign over what my fingertips tap out.  Unlike some blogs that focus on a single topic, my blog tends to be more free flowing.  One post might recap a recent family trip while the next discusses local Albanian customs, personal interests or even a really great meal I ate. I really am all over the place and that is what I love about this whole experience.  What ends up on the page is the result of whatever thoughts happen to be flowing through my mind at the moment.  (In full disclosure, for the sake of world peace I do filter on occasion).  Without a face to face audience I feel free to write what I think without the fear of being judged.  Much to my surprise I've found that blogging is one of the most liberating things I have ever experienced.

Because I'm enjoying this experience so much and because I'm not one to turn down a challenge, I've signed up to participate in BlogHer's NaBoPoMo challenge for November.  NaBoPoMo is a monthly contest that challenges bloggers to blog every day over the course of any given month. Some months have themes- often single words that can send one's thoughts in a thousand different directions (I love seeing how a simple word can trigger such varied responses).  This month's theme is a non-theme.  We are being challenged to write about anything that inspires us and to simply blog for blogging's sake.  Perhaps this challenge will be more difficult than past ones.  I like to think that it gives me more flexibility but since there isn't any right or wrong do I really need that flexibility?

So now that I've signed up, I'm committed to write something for each and everyone of the 30 days this month.  Am I crazy for taking on a new commitment?  Probably but since I enjoy writing so much I can look at is as carving out some daily "me time".  Ironically, November, a month filled with holidays, social engagements, and the tedious tasks of daily life might be the easiest one for me to attempt this feat.  Our plans call for us to stay close to home this month meaning I will have a consistent,  relatively reliable Internet connection (or at least as reliable of a connection as one can find in this part of the world).  Our varied holidays and social commitments ensure that I will have a steady stream of topics to think and write about this month. Will each entry be lengthy and through provoking?  Probably not.  Some posts will be down right brief.  I'm sure I'll cross post with my other blog on occasion but that is OK since the intent is to write and post every day.  I'm up for it so let the challenge begin.

One day down; twenty-nine more to go!