Online Personas

I've written about this before but it is still so relevant. When will we learn? Or is that we simply don't we care?

The internet, and and social media forums like Facebook are a pretty amazing thing. Where else can you research the most inane questions, reconnect with old friends and meet new ones all without leaving the comfort of your own home? There is a whole virtual world out there to be discovered. But unlike in real life where what you see is more often than not, what you get, in a virtual world it is possible to create new personas. A shy person can become outgoing online and vice versa without anyone being the wiser. Recently I've been wondering how often people do this and whether their actions are intentional or unintentional. So is the way you act online the same way you behave in real life? Yes, no, maybe, sometimes???

Lets take Facebook for example. I have my share of friends and know all but a handful in real life. I know some better than others and have found in most cases that their real life personalities are the same as their virtual ones. Those that complain, whine and have a lot of drama in their real lives tend to have the same when online. And my more mild mannered and even keeled ones? Their virtual lives tend to look the same; its all pretty predictable.

But what I really wonder about is those people that I've never met. Take Facebook groups as an example. Because I'm selective about the groups I join I tend to belong ones that are interest or demographic based; shared hobbies, alumnae of the same schools, members of the same military communities, etc. These groups can have a handful or several thousand members. Fellow members aren't my friends per se but because we belong to the same groups I feel like I know many of them. If they are regular posters their faces and stories become familiar and I feel like I've met them. In just about every group I am a member of there are people who are active and always chiming in. Their responses to questions are often rapid fire and immediate making me wonder if they do nothing other than stalk Facebook at all hours of the day. Sometimes they add useful information to the conversation but many times I feel as though they don't. While these groups can provide a wealth of information and needed opinions, if a question about an opening time has been posed then answered is it really necessary for ten other people to chime in with the same information? Then there are the people who come across as experts on every subject matter; regardless of the question they always have a definitive answer and have no qualms about arguing with anyone who dares to disagree or present an differing opinion. Personally I am quite private when it comes to posting in these groups. I think twice before sharing a tale of woe and only jump into the conversations if I have something new and meaningful to contribute. (But when thinking about it, this is the way I am in real life as well). But not everyone feels the same way. I know more about people's marital and in-law problems, dislike of their jobs and bosses and disputes with their neighbors than I want or need to. Really.

The longer I am a part of these groups the more I get to "know" these people. Some people I immediately like, others I find funny or I grow to be annoyed by. A few I find myself disliking but the majority of them I am indifferent to. But every once in a while I actually meet and get to know these people in real life. This tends to happen most often with the military spouse groups that I belong to. And you know what? The ones I liked online I find myself liking in person. If you don't have a filter in your virtual life it is doubtful that you have one in real life either. The ones whose comments I avoid reading and generally disliked when on Facebook are the same ones I feel the urge to run from when I see them in person. Annoying online is annoying in person; funny behind the keyboard usually means funny in person. And the similarities just go on. So is the internet "real life" or just a mirror image of it?

And all of this makes me feel like my online persona pretty much mirrors the real life me. But then again, I'm pretty biased so who am I to judge?

Online Personas

The internet, and and social media forums like Facebook are a pretty amazing thing. Where else can you research the most inane questions, reconnect with old friends and meet new ones all without leaving the comfort of your own home? There is a whole virtual world out there to be discovered. But unlike in real life where what you see is more often than not, what you get, in a virtual world it is possible to create new personas. A shy person can become outgoing online and vice versa without anyone being the wiser. Recently I've been wondering how often people do this and whether their actions are intentional or unintentional. So is the way you act online the same way you behave in real life? Yes, no, maybe, sometimes???

Lets take Facebook for example. I have my share of friends and know all but a handful in real life. I know some better than others and have found in most cases that their real life personalities are the same as their virtual ones. Those that complain, whine and have a lot of drama in their real lives tend to have the same when online. And my more mild mannered and even keeled ones? Their virtual lives tend to look the same; its all pretty predictable.

But what I really wonder about is those people that I've never met. Take Facebook groups as an example. Because I'm selective about the groups I join I tend to belong ones that are interest or demographic based; shared hobbies, alumnae of the same schools, members of the same military communities, etc. These groups can have a handful or several thousand members. Fellow members aren't my friends per se but because we belong to the same groups I feel like I know many of them. If they are regular posters their faces and stories become familiar and I feel like I've met them. In just about every group I am a member of there are people who are active and always chiming in. Their responses to questions are often rapid fire and immediate making me wonder if they do nothing other than stalk Facebook at all hours of the day. Sometimes they add useful information to the conversation but many times I feel as though they don't. While these groups can provide a wealth of information and needed opinions, if a question about an opening time has been posed then answered is it really necessary for ten other people to chime in with the same information? Then there are the people who come across as experts on every subject matter; regardless of the question they always have a definitive answer and have no qualms about arguing with anyone who dares to disagree or present an differing opinion. Personally I am quite private when it comes to posting in these groups. I think twice before sharing a tale of woe and only jump into the conversations if I have something new and meaningful to contribute. (But when thinking about it, this is the way I am in real life as well). But not everyone feels the same way. I know more about people's marital and in-law problems, dislike of their jobs and bosses and disputes with their neighbors than I want or need to. Really.

The longer I am a part of these groups the more I get to "know" these people. Some people I immediately like, others I find funny or I grow to be annoyed by. A few I find myself disliking but the majority of them I am indifferent to. But every once in a while I actually meet and get to know these people in real life. This tends to happen most often with the military spouse groups that I belong to. And you know what? The ones I liked online I find myself liking in person. If you don't have a filter in your virtual life it is doubtful that you have one in real life either. The ones whose comments I avoid reading and generally disliked when on Facebook are the same ones I feel the urge to run from when I see them in person. Annoying online is annoying in person; funny behind the keyboard usually means funny in person. And the similarities just go on. So is the internet "real life" or just a mirror image of it?

And all of this makes me feel like my online persona pretty much mirrors the real life me. But then again, I'm pretty biased so who am I to judge?

Blog Anonymous

My blog has been a bit quieter recently as I struggle with an internal debate. And I suspect this debate is one that many bloggers have had at one time or another. My dilemma is around  how much is too much to write? How much honesty is too much? Is it better to keep my opinions to myself lest I offend someone? But in doing any of the above doesn't it negate the very reason to blog? Yes, no, maybe.....

First I have been asking myself the question of why I blog. My answer is, it depends. I started blogging when we first moved overseas as a way of keeping family and friends abreast of what was going on in our lives. But over the past three plus years the nature and intent of my blog has been changing. Some days I blog to share my experiences with the world--we have had some amazing travel experiences and I write about many of them. Other times I blog to share my opinion about what I see around me and on occasion, to ask for a reality check about whether others may be feeling the same way. Sometimes I write to let off steam over person frustrations or to share my struggles with the hope of hearing that I am not completely alone. I am careful to not use my blog as a forum to jump all over an individual or a group or to intentionally make anyone feel bad. When I discuss negative experiences or personal frustrations I try to mask individual identities lest I come across as being accusatory. But sometimes it inadvertently happens and feelings do get hurt.

But this brings me back to the very nature of a blog. I fully understand that when I blog I am putting my thoughts, ideas, and feelings (essentially anything they chose to write about) out there for the entire world to see. Does the entire world read it? Unlikely. But do some people see what is written? Absolutely. And while my blog may not have a huge following, by reader comments, personal emails and blog statistics, I do know that what I write reaches a fair number of people. The majority of the people who read my blog are complete strangers to me while others are fellow members of the blogging community that I know only virtually. Some of the people who read my blog are personal friends while others are family. But increasingly, more people I personally know are reading what I write and here lies my deepest dilemma.

When I blog I am comforted by the perceived anonymity of it all; I can vent about bad days, bad experiences and bad behaving family members and no one is the wiser. Unless they read it. Over the years I've had a few people try to initiate me in online arguments when they take issue with something I've written. Initially these comments will cause me to pause and revisit and re-think about what I've written but more often than not, I stand by my original words. It is so much easier to dismiss the grumblings of strangers than it is when I know the complainants personally. On more than one occasion the person who takes issue with what I've written isn't even the subject of my blog entry. Or they might be and they start a campaign to convince me that I am wrong. But it is my blog---so can I be wrong on this page when what I've written is clearly my opinion. Isn't that what freedom of speech is all about?

So this brings me back to the blog silence as of late. My mind has been reeling with lots of feelings and issues that I've just been itching to put into words here. I've even gone as far as writing them out but when I go to hit the publish button I pause. I wonder if my being honest and open is worth the potential heartache that might ensue if the "wrong" person reads what I've written. Do I simply need to grow a thicker skin and publish what I want or should I simply stifle my words on my own blog in the name of harmony and peace?

But there is another option out there that I have been exploring; it is the world of anonymous blogging. There are entire blogs out there where writers contribute their pieces to be published anonymously. I love these sites for their brutal honesty about so many of the issues we all struggle with. It is on these pages that I feel as though I have peers who are honest about their struggles with friends, family and life in general. Its refreshing. And I feel as though many of my unpublished posts would find the perfect home on these sites. Perhaps it is here that I need to start devoting some of my writing energy. Is it ideal? I think not. But for the sake of "world peace" it might be the best option.

Like...Dislike

As a society have we become too reliant on social media? Have we lost our ability to communicate on a personal basis in favor of hiding behind a screen? I'll be the first to admit that I am a Facebook junkie and probably spend too much time scrolling through the likes of Facebook, Pinterest and Instagram. I can't even remember the last time I picked up an actual telephone to call someone yet I feel connected with my friends all around the world. In fact, it is because of social media that so many of these friendships have been kept alive and vibrant despite the distances between us. As for my handful of friends who haven't jumped on the Facebook bandwagon? I know it is wrong but I still keep in touch, but much more sporadically, than I do with my Facebook friends. And through Facebook I have found online communities that offer support and advice for just about any situation that may arise. If I have a question about the opening hours of a business, what is going on in the community or the daily specials at a restaurant I am more apt to check out their Facebook page than I am to pick up a phone and call. It is faster, more convenient and can be done on my own schedule and on my own terms. So yes it is nice but at the same time I can't help but wonder if we have simply gone too far.

Here in our SHAPE community just about every group and organization has their own Facebook page. There are the official ones that are managed by actual departments and offices--the general SHAPE page, the library, and MWR all provide a wealth of timely information and are quick to rebut any rumors that may be circulating. And then there are the what feels like hundreds of unofficial pages. There are pages for pet owners and frequent travelers, numerous pages to help people buy and sell items, and then general pages where questions are asked and answered. As with all situations involving social media, these pages need to be approached with a grain of salt since for every piece of good information there seems to be twice as many negative or false stories being circulated. But I'm not criticizing any of these pages; after all this is where I get the majority of my information about what is happening in my own community. But it makes me wonder, what about all of those people who are not on Facebook?

Yes, as hard as it may be to believe, there really is a contingent of people who shun social media and do not maintain online accounts. My husband is one of those people. While he does have a Facebook account, it has been so long since he logged in that he no longer remembers his password. In all honesty, his account now serves the sole purpose of keeping his far flung friends updated on his whereabouts and even then, this only comes from my tagging him in photos. But that seems to work for him. But it also means that if it wasn't for my telling him, he would be unaware of all of the vast array of activities and events taking place right around him. Even though he works right on base and is theoretically in the center of all of the activities, he is essentially unaware of many of the events that are taking place. Some larger events are announced via official notices yet much takes place outside of the official channels and seems to be announced solely on Facebook. Bake sales, ball fundraisers and family social events all sponsored by the Navy element here (and we are a Navy family) only seem to be announced via Facebook. Other activities will be announced on Facebook days if not weeks before an official notice may or may not be issued. Maybe it is just me, but this seems a bit odd.

And it begs the question of whether everyone needs to be plugged into social media. Can a workplace require it? Or can they strongly discourage it or even flat out forbid it (I know there are some places that do). And what about work places that advise their employees to use discretion? Can this guidance also extend to family members? Whether we like it or not, social media has become a global trend. By Facebook's own statistics, there are 1, 250 million active accounts worldwide. The United States, United Kingdom and Indonesia top out the list of countries with the most users (with Walmart being one of the most popular pages in the United States but that is a story for another blog post). But what does it mean if you are one of those people who hasn't logged on and clicked the "like" button. Are you simply destined to be left behind or left out? And is this necessarily a bad thing? Some days I'm not so sure..........