Thirty Posts In Thirty Days

Back on the 1st of November I said I was up for the challenge and this time around I am proud to say that I made it. Yes I did. For the first time in three years I met the NaBloPoMo challenge and actually blogged every single day in November. And while making it here has been rewarding and I have a sense of accomplishment, I am mentally exhausted. Yes exhausted.

Most days I love blogging. Sitting in front of the computer for a few minutes and jotting down whatever comes to mind is relaxing. It is an aerobic workout for my mind. Until it isn't that is. There were a few mornings this month when just the thought of having to write something was painful. Like going to the gym on those mornings when you'd rather just stay in bed. While you know it will be good for you and that you will feel better when you are done, it is simply the last thing you want to do. It would have been easier to not power up the laptop and instead focus on the bazillion other things that over fill my days. But even on those mornings I powered through and accomplished what I set out to do. (After all, if I skipped a day I'd have to wait an entire eleven months before I could get a "re-do").

So yes I did it. And now that I've met my goal I'm going to turn off the computer and focus on what the rest of the day has in store for me. At the moment that includes decorating the house for Christmas........maybe I should just write some more instead!

Here We Go Again

Its that time of year again. And no I'm not talking about Thanksgiving, Christmas, shopping sprees or winter. That time of year is the annual NaBloPoMo challenge where bloggers across the world are challenging themselves to blog every day during the month of November. This is my third go at it. The first year I did blog every day; the second year I almost made it but life got in the way. This time I'm determined to once again blog every day.

Will each blog post be profound? Probably not. But that's OK by me because for me, NaBloPoMo is about a personal recommitment to myself and my writing. For me, writing is my "me time"; the time when I can reflect on both the macro and micro worlds around me. It is a time that is important for me as a wife, mother and individual. The time may be short and many times rushed but when I blog its all about me. My thoughts and my opinions. When I'm writing I'm not cleaning up or cooking for someone else; I'm not driving from point A to point B and I'm not worrying about taking care of someone else. Rather, I'm taking care of myself by focusing on myself for a brief moment or two. And while I try really hard to do this on a daily basis year around, in November I make a concerted effort to make this happen.

So amongst the rush and chaos of a daily life that moves on fast forward from here until the end of the year, I'm taking a few minutes each day to concentrate on my writing. What I produce may be silly, serious or inane. It may be filled with words, pictures or a bit of both. But something will appear on this page every day for the next 30 days because that is my promise to myself.

Thank you NaBloPoMo.

In A Pressure Cooker

Ah, 2014.  Its a new year and one filled with a lot of changes coming our way.  In just twenty-one short days (gulp) we will be on an airplane heading to the new country that will become our home for the next three years.  But before we board that plane, we have a lot of loose ends that need to be tied up.   There is the house to pack, goodbyes to be said, and final events to attend--both as hosts and as guests.  (And yes because we believe in doing things right up until the last minute, we're even hosting one final formal dinner in our house.  Call us committed or crazy--you decide).  Yes, this is an exciting yet overwhelming time.

My biggest concern at the moment is explaining all of these changes to an inquisitive and uber aware four year old.  We've been discussing the impending move with him for some time and some days he's on board and others not so much.  He's been a part of the purging process, selecting much loved but no longer played with toys to donate to those who are less fortunate.  He's talked about making new friends in Belgium and wanting to have those yet to be made friends over to his house to play.  But that is on the good days.  On others, his watching items go into boxes has elicited protests of not wanting to move, the desire to stay here and live with his nanny, and essentially maintaining the Albanian status quo.  Add in this week's school physical, vaccinations and the mere prospect of going to school and we have one unhappy little boy.  Using logic only a four year old can comprehend, he isn't crying or throwing tantrums about all of this; rather he is firmly stating that he doesn't want to go, adding in a please and thank you for good measure, and offering alternatives (i.e. his staying with his nanny).  There are moments when I think illogical crying would be easier to address.  Obviously the emotional aspects of this move are going to be anything but easy.  Can you say pressure?  Well, I can.

And this is why I had to laugh when I saw the theme for this month's Blogher NaBloPoMo challenge.  Yes, the theme is "pressure" and personally, the timing just couldn't be more appropriate.  The list of daily writing prompts range from personal experiences with peer pressure and working under pressure to whether pressure is positive, negative, or both.  My favorite prompt is the one discussing self-created pressure due to one's own procrastination.  So why am I even committing to daily blogging when the next month has set itself up to be pure chaos?

Perhaps I am just putting undue pressure on myself.  I mean why I am trying to do this when I will be in the midst of packing, traveling, and settling in.  But then I answer my own question by realizing that it is my own self imposed procrastination technique.  More so, I've learned that writing is my emotional outlet allowing me to simultaneously ponder, vent, and most importantly, have a few minutes of true me-time each day.  January's entries are apt to be brief and even disjointed but in all likelihood, they will be what gets me through the next few weeks.  If nothing else, my entries this month can serve as a reminder of this exciting, busy, and frustrating time for us.  Maybe they can be a type of lessons learned diary.  I just need to remember to revisit them in three years when we do this all over again.

Bring On The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year

With October behind us, we can now charge towards Thanksgiving and Christmas at full speed.  Sure some retailers have been flaunting turkeys and Santa alongside Halloween candy but now that the later is relegated to the sale bins, we can focus our energies on what I consider to be the real end of year holidays.  It now feels acceptable to open the holiday editions of my favorite culinary magazines that have been filling my mailbox for months.  My oven is beginning to work overtime as pumpkins that were once destined for jack-o-lanterns can now be turned into pies, breads, and other delectable treats.  Air conditioning has been swapped for heat and skimpy warm weather clothing exchanged for cozy sweaters.  The days are shorter, Daylight Savings Time ended in Europe last week with the States falling back early tomorrow morning, but for me the early darkness just makes me more productive.  (After all it feels as though I have even less time to get more accomplished).  Colorful foliage is giving way to bare trees that have their own special winter beauty and cooler air hints at the real possibility of snowflakes.  People are more generous with their time, energies, and money as charities ask for donations to assist those in need.   How can anyone argue with this?  I'm pouring over my cookbooks and planning my Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner menus, digging out my sweaters, and plotting my holiday gift giving strategy.  In case you can't tell, I love this time of year and the next few weeks promise to be my favorite ones of the entire year.

And yes, because it is November it is NaBloPoMo, the month where aspiring bloggers are encouraged to write each and every day.  I've dabbled with NaBloPoMo over the course of the past year with some months being more successful than others but this November I'm recommitting to the effort.  So from now until the end of the month, look for a daily update either on this blog or my second blog dedicated to my culinary exploits.  That's thirty entries in thirty days but I can do it.  After all, this is my favorite time of year so I'm sure to have a lot to talk about.

Being Challenged, Finding Comfort

I'm in another writing funk; yesterday I started several posts covering various subjects but just couldn't type out enough coherent thoughts to form a blog entry that I felt comfortable making public.  I'm still feeling that way today but in order to power through this latest block,  I'm turning to NaBloPoMo's prompt of the day to find inspiration and get my creative juices flowing again.  So here it goes:

Today's writing prompt:  Frank Clark said: "We find comfort among those who agree with us - growth among those who don't." Agree or disagree?

My response:  Absolutely! Whether it be at home with my family or out and about with close friends, I am in my comfort zone when I know and like the people around me.  It is easy to be around these people and many times easy equates to comfort. However, I am a person who is always up for a challenge and there is nothing I find more invigorating than participating in a well thought out and intellectually stimulating conversation with someone who is in complete disagreement with me on an issue.  I'm not talking about someone who feels strongly about an issue and justifies their responses with statements along the lines of "because I say so", "because I think so", or "because so and so says so".  Rather I relish a well thought out argument based on a variety of facts, sources, and life experiences that may cause me to be uncomfortable, but one that will also cause me to step back and think about my own stance on the issue.  These conversations definitely take me out of my comfort zone but as uncomfortable as they may seem at the time, I know they are good for me.

During my first few post-college years I had a friend who provided me with just such an intellectual challenge.  As single twenty somethings struggling to find the right job, the right life partners, and the right path in life, we met through a mutual friend and formed a strange friendship that endured for several years.  On the surface we had nothing in common:  he could be considered conservative to my liberal, his religious upbringing was everything that mine wasn't; our political views couldn't have been more different.  In hindsight I have no idea how we even became friends.  The only thing we did have in common was the fact we were both smart, well read, and could argue our points and opinions with conviction.  And we were willing to listen to opposing viewpoints.  I think this was the key to our friendship.  Our conversations were rarely comfortable but over the course of several years worth of dinners and beers, we challenged each other intellectually.  Through our conversations I found myself thinking about subjects from a viewpoint that I would never have thought of on my own.  I can't say he ever changed my stance on any of the more "hot button" issues but it certainly opened my mind to other ways of seeing the world.  

There wasn't any particular event that triggered our parting but over time we drifted apart.  We both changed jobs and houses, got married and had children.  As I've gotten older I know my stance on some issues has changed.  I've become more liberal on some issues and increasingly conservative on others. I'm no longer the slightly naive twenty something who thought I knew everything and was out to change the world.  I am more willing than ever to listen to opposing viewpoints and yes, on occasion I will now (slightly) change my views on issues.  I still find many of these conversations uncomfortable but again, discomfort can be healthy.  After all, how else can we grow?

All Hot And Bothered

Today is a new day in a new month.  February is always a short but somehow painful twenty eight days (made even worse every fourth year when the month is extended by a day).  It doesn't matter where we are living; the days are always scarce on daylight but long on gloom.  Here in Albania, February will mean more rain filled days, damp conditions on the "dry" ones, and endless expanses of gray.  I've found that the key to surviving this month is staying busy. On that front we already have two out of country trips planned with lots of local activities sandwiched in between.  And on a daily basis, I'm once again committing to NaBloPoMo, BlogHer's daily blogging challenge.  I don't always succeed in posting daily but looking at the NaBloPoMo icon gives me the motivation to at least try.

The NaBloPoMo theme for February 2013 is Love and Sex.  The teasers leading up to this month talked about being all hot and bothered.  Perhaps it is my age or my stage in life but rather than hearts and butterflies in my stomach, my first thought turned to hot flashes.   Yes hot flashes.  You know, those hot and sweaty suffocating from the inside out sensations that affect women of a certain age.  They aren't pleasant but unfortunately they are a part of life and are unfortunately becoming more and more a part of my own life.  It looks and feels as though there are some fun times ahead!

But for most people and the true romantics out there, February is the month of love.  You see it everywhere you turn.  Store shelves and windows are filled with red and pink hearts, racks are overflowing with greeting cards, super sized boxes of stale chocolates fill store aisles, and teddy bears boasting phrases that are just too cute taunt those who try to avoid them.**  For a young and budding romance February 14th may be about flowers, chocolates, and dinner.  A more established romance might involve jewelry. Or as is the case in the Brown household, it revolves around a pot of cheese fondue shared amongst three people (and I wouldn't have it any other way).  As with everything, life is what you make of it and having this warm and fuzzy day in the middle of the month is something to look forward to in an otherwise gray month.  It is also closely followed by President's Day Weekend in the United States (and in US Embassies overseas) which while recognizing our founding father provides us worker bees with a long three day weekend.

So however you choose to look at this month, make the best of it and know that spring is right around the corner.  May the month pass quickly and be filled with love and warmth.......even if that warmth comes from hot flashes.

**Here's a fun Valentine's Day fact:  the first American Valentine's Day card was made fellow Mount Holyoke College alumnae Esther Howland (Class of 1847) in Worcester, Massachusetts in the 1850s.  I bet Howland could never have imagined the consumer driven commercialism craze she was starting.

Energy.........

For the third straight month I'm attempting to participate in NaBloPoMo, the BlogHer challenge to blog every day during the month of January.  My November and December attempts were moderately successful; in November between my two blogs I managed to submit an entry each and every day.  December was a bit more challenging.  Due to the holidays, travel, and the general craziness I call life, there were a few days when I didn't blog at all.  Somehow, however, by the time December drew to a close I had made up for it as I managed to submit more than 31 entries to both of my blogs (actually 34). So let's see if I can keep up the momentum this month (and year).

January's NaBloPoMo theme is energy.  My initial thought upon hearing this theme was to wonder "what energy; I don't have any."  But then I realized that I do.  We all do.  In fact, although there are days when I am seriously dragging and it doesn't feel that way, I have a lot of energy.  After all, I must if I am to accomplish everything that is required of me. 

So what energizes me?  Ironically, being busy keeps me going.  If I have a single task to accomplish in any given day (when was the last time that was really the case?), then it will take me all day to complete it.  If I have ten tasks to complete, somehow my momentum carries me through and all ten items will get crossed off of my list before my head hits the pillow that night.  I doubt I'm so unusual in this case; after all isn't it always the same over worked, over committed people who keep volunteering to take on even more responsibilities? 

I can readily identify two actual activities (beyond the general keeping busy) that gives me energy.  First, I realize that being around other people energizes me the most.  Friends and family have the biggest positive effect but in their absence any talking human being will do.  This is why, in my pre-child days when Glenn was at sea and some long weekends felt very, very long, I would make a concerted effort to get out of the house.  Even if it was only to go to Target or Starbucks, just getting out and talking to other people --even if they were strangers--had the rejuvenating effect I craved.  Picking up the phone or logging onto the computer works as well, but there really isn't any substitute for good old fashioned face-to-face interactions.  As much as I love my solitude at times, I would never do well on a deserted island!

Secondly, and I think this is more a factor of my current circumstances, traveling outside of Albania gives me the larger sense of energy I need to keep plugging along.  While there are many wonderful things about the country and the experiences we have had, that living here affords us, day to day life is hard.  Very hard.  Whether it is driving, grocery shopping, or just getting out and exploring, everything is more difficult here than it is elsewhere and over time, this daily struggle pulls me down.  As a family we've discovered that getting away from it all gives recharges our batteries in a way that nothing else can.  A few days stay in a nice hotel room, driving on well maintained roads (or taking advantage of safe public transportation), dining in smoke free restaurants, and playing tourist in countries where law and order is both expected and respected, revitalizes us in a way that prior to moving to Albania would have been impossible to imagine.  Regardless of where we go, we returned feeling renewed and ready to face the new challenges that are thrown our way.

So, as we launch into a new year I am feeling very energized.  We've just returned from a trip to Germany and have a trip to Austria looming on the horizon.   My schedule is busy with lots of activities and I've had some great conversations with friends this week.  I am as energized as the Energizer Bunny at the moment so bring it on-- I'm ready for it!

On Work

The NaBloPoMo theme for the month of December is work.  On the surface this seems like a simple enough concept but the more I think about it, the more I realize it is actually a very complex word.  There are so many definitions and understandings about what work is and isn't.  Paid or unpaid, physical labor or mental workouts, alone or in a group, in public or the privacy of one's own home; these are just a few of the many types of work.  The meaning of work varies amongst cultures, countries, and for some, individual households.  Work's value--in monetary, social, and political terms- is just as varied as well.  It just might be one of those concepts that we may all need to agree to disagree on. 

For many, saying they are "going to work" means they are leaving their house and commuting to their office or other paid work place.  I find myself using this phrase on a regular basis to explain to Sidney why his father isn't always home when he wakes up in the morning.  "Daddy eshte ne pune" has become a daily refrain for explaining Glenn's absence.  And Sidney has learned that it means Glenn is not at home.   In doing so, however, I feel as though I am playing right into the stereotype that one must be leaving the house and getting paid in order for them to be working.  I want to make sure Sidney understands that work takes place at home as well; whether I am cooking dinner or calculating our monthly expenses on the computer, I too am working.

Regardless of one's familial or paid employment status, I think work begins and ends at home.  Whether it is making coffee and getting breakfast on the table, watching your children, walking your dog, or washing the dishes, all of these tasks must be recognized as the work that they are.  These tasks are more likely than not unpaid--unless you hire someone to do these chores for you--- but that doesn't make them any less important or significant.  (Every once in a while statistics pop up laying out what the cost of unpaid work is really worth.  One can argue about the reliability of the figures but their overall message is clear).  In fact, I would argue that it is this unappreciated and unpaid work that makes the world go round.  Regardless of nationality or socio-economic level the work that takes place inside of one's house is what makes it possible to leave the house and go onto paid work in the first place.  Even after paid employment ends, whether by choice or by circumstance, work inside of the house continues until our last dying breath.

My own concept of work has evolved over time.  Prior to getting married and having a child I viewed legitimate work as paid employment and work inside of the house as a necessary evil.  I volunteered at a local women's shelter and donated my time on several non-profit boards but I didn't think about my efforts on these projects as having a dollar figure attached with it.  In my arrogant, just out of college view, I didn't understand how someone could chose to stay home and "not work" all day.  We're they bored?  Oh how naive I was.

My first long stretch of unemployment was the five months between the time I moved to Norfolk and the time I found a less than exciting, underpaid job.  My first few weeks of not working felt like a vacation.  After all I was busy settling into a new house and learning my way around a new city.  Soon my days were filled with the mundane tasks of cleaning, shopping, and turning what had once been a bachelor's house into a family home.  I did this while applying for numerous jobs and going on too many interviews to count.  The first fight Glenn and I ever had was over my "work" status.  After a long day he had cavalierly made a comment about how it must be nice to not be working.  Mind you this was after a day where I had gone on a horrible job interview (for the job I actually got), grocery shopped, made dinner, and reupholstered several dining room chairs.  Whoa!  I may not have gone into a office for the day but I had certainly been busy.  Maybe I didn't earn any actual money that day but I hadn't been sitting around twiddling my thumbs.  It took being confronted with it head on for me to realize that a lot of work is unpaid (or underpaid which might be even worse).  In the months following Sidney's birth, in my sleep deprived haze, I realized that going to a job outside of the house might actually be a better deal.  It is much easier to get up and leave the woes of your job in the office.  When your work is caring for your family who lives under the same roof as you do, it is virtually impossible to escape that work.  (During this period I considered going to the store alone to do our weekly grocery shopping as my down time).  In reality, there aren't any off hours, lunch breaks, or vacation days.  When you are caring for children, you are always on the clock.

Fast forward several years and I'm not working part time for the Embassy, volunteering with a non-profit, raising our son, and serving as a "volunteer" for Glenn's office.  My days fly by and in reality I only get paid for a small portion of the hours I put in each day.  After earning a paycheck each morning I spend most afternoons planning, shopping, and cooking for the various dinners and receptions we host each month.  And since everything in Albania is more difficult and time consuming than it would be in the U.S. these simple tasks take a lot of time and effort.  I may not receive a physical paycheck for each canape or cookie I serve but that doesn't make my efforts any less valuable.

The moral of this is that all work needs to be valued.  Whether paid or unpaid, in the home or outside of it, all work is important and helps make our worlds function.  Our workplaces function because employees come in every day to do their jobs.  Charities, churches, and NGOs are able to provide help to those who need it because volunteers give their time --i.e. work-- to make the services happen.  Children are cared for everyday, pets are walked, and households maintained because people are working.  Just imagine what would happen if I decided to go on strike at home?  If I stopped grocery shopping, menu planning, and cooking dinners, I know there would be at least two very unhappy males in the Brown household.

Whew, I Made It!

Yes I did.  In my first attempt at NaBloPoMo, a challenge to blog every day during the month of November, I made it. Between this blog and my related food blog, I managed to post an entry on each and every one of November's 30 days. 

For the first few days it wasn't easy.  The beginning of the month was very busy with work and personal commitments taking up a big chunk of my time.  Instead of spontaneously writing whenever the mood struck me, I had to make a conscious effort to sit down in front of the computer and write.  But after day five something amazing happened. I found my rythm and suddenly sitting down to write each day was not only easy but it was something I looked forward to.  Granted most of my actual writing took place during the dark early morning or late night hours of the day while the rest of the house was still sleeping.  That was OK, however.  What was really important was that I was accomplishing what I had wanted the most:  carving out dedicated time for myself doing one of the things I love the most.

When I entered into this challenge I wondered whether or not I would have enough to say.  I think I was initially too worried about this which, ironically enough, created a writer's block during the first week.  Once I got over this hurdle the words and thoughts just flowed.  And appparently I did have plenty to say.  This shouldn't surprise people who know me since after all I am a talker, I am opinionated, and I love to share my opinions with others.  After all, isn't that what blogging is all about?

Writing over this past month has been liberating.  My posts have ranged from commentary on current affairs, pet peeves that get my blood boiling, travel to new places, causes that are deeply personal, and of course, favorite recipes.  With increased posts comes increased exposure.  I've gained new readers who have engaged me in though provoking conversations.  In turn I've discovered new bloggers who have expanded my own world.  (As a participant in NaBloPoMo we are asked to also read a handful of new blogs each day).  My comments have offended some people but I take the good with the bad and while I try to be considerate of other's feelings, I make no apologies for my thoughts.  From the serious to the humorous and everything in between, my blogs covered it all.

Thirty days ago when I entered into this challenge I questioned my ability to stick to it.  Ironically as I sit here on the final day I realize that I have more thoughts than there were days in the month.  So what does this mean?  I guess I need to continue with NaBloPoMo for the month of December.  Yes, given the numerous holiday celebrations, daily life and planned travel, it will be even more of a challenge but I'm up for it.  They say it takes two weeks for something to become a habit.  Daily blogging has become such an important part of each day that I can't give it up.  So here's to another thirty-one days of entries. 

Blogging for Blogging's Sake

Blogging.  Who would have thought it would become such a popular trend?  It seems like everyone is doing it.  Not too long ago I discovered BlogHer; a website dedicated to posting and supporting blogs written by women.  According to their press information they provide a platform "for over 50 million women who blog and their readers to gain exposure, education, community, and empowerment."  Scrolling through their website one can find links to women's commentaries on just about any topic. Food, parenting, travels, sex, religion, current events.  The list goes on but if you want to read --or write--about it, there is a blog out there talking about it.  I could- and many times do- spend countless hours reading the interesting and thought provoking posts being shared by other women from all over the world.  BlogHer's network has grown so expansive that they hold annual conferences that bring bloggers together.  (Hint, hint Glenn- I want to go).  This vast, and mostly virtual, networking tool is something that other institutions should be envious of.  And I am proud to say that this blog is now a part of such a fantastic network.

Why do I blog?  Unlike so many women who have spun their blogs into full time jobs (After my failed money making attempt where I earned a whopping 32 cents over the course of two months, I often wonder how they actually make money off of this enterprise).  For me the purpose is much more personal.  These days sitting down to write is a rare opportunity for me to have my own identity and do something that is just for me.  When I sit down in front of my laptop (which more often than not is during the pre-dawn or late night hours), for a brief time I am Zosia the blogger. Not a wife; not a mother; not the Embassy CLO; not the DATT spouse; but myself with my own thoughts, ideas, and completely free reign over what my fingertips tap out.  Unlike some blogs that focus on a single topic, my blog tends to be more free flowing.  One post might recap a recent family trip while the next discusses local Albanian customs, personal interests or even a really great meal I ate. I really am all over the place and that is what I love about this whole experience.  What ends up on the page is the result of whatever thoughts happen to be flowing through my mind at the moment.  (In full disclosure, for the sake of world peace I do filter on occasion).  Without a face to face audience I feel free to write what I think without the fear of being judged.  Much to my surprise I've found that blogging is one of the most liberating things I have ever experienced.

Because I'm enjoying this experience so much and because I'm not one to turn down a challenge, I've signed up to participate in BlogHer's NaBoPoMo challenge for November.  NaBoPoMo is a monthly contest that challenges bloggers to blog every day over the course of any given month. Some months have themes- often single words that can send one's thoughts in a thousand different directions (I love seeing how a simple word can trigger such varied responses).  This month's theme is a non-theme.  We are being challenged to write about anything that inspires us and to simply blog for blogging's sake.  Perhaps this challenge will be more difficult than past ones.  I like to think that it gives me more flexibility but since there isn't any right or wrong do I really need that flexibility?

So now that I've signed up, I'm committed to write something for each and everyone of the 30 days this month.  Am I crazy for taking on a new commitment?  Probably but since I enjoy writing so much I can look at is as carving out some daily "me time".  Ironically, November, a month filled with holidays, social engagements, and the tedious tasks of daily life might be the easiest one for me to attempt this feat.  Our plans call for us to stay close to home this month meaning I will have a consistent,  relatively reliable Internet connection (or at least as reliable of a connection as one can find in this part of the world).  Our varied holidays and social commitments ensure that I will have a steady stream of topics to think and write about this month. Will each entry be lengthy and through provoking?  Probably not.  Some posts will be down right brief.  I'm sure I'll cross post with my other blog on occasion but that is OK since the intent is to write and post every day.  I'm up for it so let the challenge begin.

One day down; twenty-nine more to go!