Bust

Early in our Albanian tenure; we were all younger, thinner, and
had more hair (I was even a red head)

Today, after 952 days, we are departing Albania for what is likely to be the last time. The past few years have been a wild ride filled with ups and downs, great joy and crushing heartbreak, adventure filled weekends and lazy days of doing nothing, long work hours and too many responsibilities.  We've made life long friends and met people we hope to never see again.  Our little boy arrived as a baby and is departing as a worldly, bilingual four year old.  We've visited twenty-three European countries (some multiple times) yet managed to explore Albania's natural beauty from north to south, east to west.  (In fact, we've probably seem more of Albania than many of our Albanian friends).  We've explored more castle ruins than I even thought was humanly possible and walked in places that seem trapped in a previous time. I quickly discovered the importance of investing in a good pair of shoes, always carrying my own toilet paper, and never leaving home without both a hand held fan and a sweater.  I've learned to improvise with my cooking, to always watch where I step, and that embassies, street dogs, farm animals and overflowing dumpsters can happily co-exist on a single street (namely ours).  I've had it reaffirmed time and time again that I really do not care for offal, raki, or Albanian wine but have never tired of the plethora of  fresh fish, figs, and other seasonal delicacies.  My defensive driving skills have been honed and I been amazed time and time again at what can be made out of concrete, but I still can't decipher whether a bobbing head means yes, no, or a little of both.

We've grown and matured and we've seen Albania grow right along with us; new roads, many with actual pavement, have reduced travel times from one end of the country to another; new shopping malls, movie theaters, and grocery stores have all introduced a variety of services and amenities to the country inching Albania one step closer to her western contemporaries. But through all of this the house across the street from us remains as occupied and unfinished as the day we arrived while the number of old Mercedes, battered furgons, and over the top expensive vehicles plying the roads has drastically increased.  During the past two and a half years airlines have come and gone, we witnessed national elections and a new government come to power, and are watching Albania's ongoing quest to be welcomed into the EU.  From The New York Times to Lonely Planet, travel writers continue to rate Albania as an up and coming place to visit.  (And, in my opinion, Albania is well worth a visit).  Yes, the past two and a half years have been quite the adventure.

So what does the future hold for us?  For sure, there will be more adventures, more memories to be made and new opportunities to be had. This blog will continue with the same URL but a new name.  (I'm testing out names so if you have any suggestions, please send them my way).  So stay tuned to find out what the future holds for us!

Our most recent family picture; we are all older and
wiser but still enjoying our adventures

Child's Play

As adults leading busy lives it is sometimes all too easy to miss the subtle signs our children give us.   It takes stopping for a moment to realize what we are being told and when we figure it out, it can be heartbreaking.  And this is the message that our wise beyond his years, four year old sent to me this week.

Our schedules have been out of whack recently.  Between visiting family, a busier than normal work week for Glenn, and evening commitments taking both of us out of the house at night, our daily routine has been anything but the usual.  I know Sidney likes his schedule and predictability but I had no idea how much the upheaval was effecting him.  While Sidney seemed to love having his Mimi and Grandpa visiting their presence meant that his beloved nene (nanny) had the week off and with her went Sidney's normal daily schedule.  Sleep, eat, and play schedules were off kilter.  As the week progressed my normally cheerful little guy only grew angrier and sadder.  I thought a new week and a return to our (somewhat) usual schedule would return things to normal but instead they have only been getting worse.

For the past few nights Sidney has been waking and crying out for us.  When we go to him he says that he misses us and wants to make sure we are here but now that he knows we are here, he is OK and will immediately go back to sleep.  The other evening when it was just the two of us at home, he said he wanted to speak Albanian with me. Now this same child normally refuses to speak anything but English in our presence, proudly stating that he only speaks Albanian with his nene since his parents don't understand it.  Usually I do understand enough but after several failed attempts at my understanding him in his second language, he just gave up.  Then he asked me to come into his play room since he wanted to show me something.  And that something just about broke my heart.

Sidney had lined up all of this stuffed animals and proceeded to tell me stories (in English now) about them; those that looked alike were family while others were just friends.  We went through his entire collection identifying the relationships among them.  Then we got to the lone little white lamb.  First Sidney said that we needed to get a big lamb to keep the little one company.  Then he told me that this little lamb was so sad because he didn't know where his family was.  We needed to find his family so he could be happy.  When I suggested that maybe the lamb's family was away but would come home soon, with tears in his eyes Sidney adamantly informed me that this wasn't the case.  He told me that the lamb's mother was at the store buying things but his father got a phone call, left, and wasn't coming back.  My tears immediately matched his and through the lump in my throat I told Sidney that the lamb's father was indeed coming back.  (Actually, I slipped up and said Sidney's father was coming back but I was quickly corrected that it was the lamb who was missing his father not Sidney).  I found myself at a loss for words as I held my sad little boy.  No amount of self-help books and parenting blogs had prepared me for this.  As I struggled to find the right words Sidney continued.  He said the lamb has a father and mother and their family is just the three of them but that the parents are now missing.  He went on to add that when the three of them are together again they will all be happy. He then suggested that we try to find the lamb's mother and father.

And that is what we did.  I immediately ignored the ringing phone and turned off the computer.  Together we made pizza in Sidney's kitchen and cookies in mine.  Over the past couple of days invitations to non-essential activities have been declined and we are spending quality time together with "just the three of us" and this pattern will continue over the weekend.  Because a little lamb needs his family to be happy and it took an almost four year old to remind me of this.

Rolling Along Like A Napkin Ring

Yesterday was a busy and trying day.  During my lunch break I ran over to a local restaurant where we had dined over the weekend in search of an elusive toy airplane (Sidney's favorite), which had gone missing.  The restaurant staff was concerned when they couldn't find it but I dismissed it to our own carelessness at not double checking that we had everything before we left.  (I later found out that Sidney had hidden the said toy in a drawer for the weekend yet had plead innocent as to not knowing where it was).  After a somewhat hectic day at work I dashed home to pick up Sidney then drove through a log jam of blocked off streets (courtesy of the president of Greece's visit to Tirana) to pick my parents up at the airport.  Sidney was beside himself with excitement at the prospect of seeing Mimi and Grandpa for the first time in two years.  As he said, you can talk to them on the computer (Skype) but you just can't hug them and that was what he wanted to do.  And that is just what he did when he saw them.  It was one of those moments that just makes the hassles worth it.  We made our way back through even more traffic as Sidney happily chatted away about everything under the sun.  Trains, airplanes, the weather, food; you name it and it was a topic of conversation during our ride.  Glenn and I had a reception to attend last night so after a few minutes at home during which my parents got settled in, us giving them the low down on the dos and don'ts of Sidney, and my putting the finishing touches on their dinner, we got dressed and headed back out with Sidney under the watchful eyes of his jet lagged grandparents.

We returned home two hours later to a hyperactive child and grandparents who were both exhausted and in awe of a soon-to-be four year old's endless supply of energy.  In the midst of the recap of the evening's activities it was mentioned that Sidney may or may not have flung a napkin ring over the balcony and into the yard.  I jumped to attention at this and sure enough found that my sterling silver napkin ring, part of matching engraved set that Glenn had given me for our first wedding anniversary, was indeed missing.  Sidney was coy about the whole affair, he said that maybe he had thrown it but continued on by saying that it had made a nice noise when he threw it.  Upon hearing this I was sure he had thrown it and still dressed in my formal attire, I grabbed a flashlight and searched our yard --and the street surrounding our yard for good measure-- but struck out.  I returned inside feeling saddened by the loss.  When Glenn learned what happened he went back outside and searched a larger perimeter of the street and low and behold, he found it.  It had been crushed by a passing vehicle, but we had it back in our possession.

Holding the battered and weathered napkin ring forlornly in my hands, I sat down and kicked my shoes off of my aching feet.  My mother immediately asked me when was the last time I had treated myself to a pedicure.  Glancing at my chipped toenails I admitted that it had been years and that I had resorted to splashing coats of nail polish on my toes myself whenever the need arose.  Looking closer at my feet then back to my napkin ring I realized that in an odd way they actually resembled one another and symbolized so much of what I was feeling.

My napkin ring started out perfectly round and shiny with my initials carefully engraved on its smooth surface.  Over time it began to tarnish, as silver is apt to do, but it remained as solid as the day I received it.  It was indestructible, or so I thought.  Last night it sat in my hand as a tired, warped, and nicked version of what it had once been.  The shine was gone and despite my efforts I was unable to maneuver it back to its original shape.  Over two years ago we arrived in Albania hopeful, energized and ready to take on the world.  We were up for anything, or so we thought.  The past twenty-nine months have been trying and have worn me down.  Albania is a beautifully frustrating country where even the simplest tasks often become arduous chores.  I've felt pulled in too many directions at once- raising a precocious pre-schooler, working part time (which actually is my tiny piece of sanity on most days), being the perfect hostess on demand, being pushed outside of my comfort zone on a regular basis, and generally feeling rushed.  I've been living the past two years on fast forward and I am tired.  And battered.  As the condition of my feet can attest to, I've been putting everything ahead of myself and my own needs.  Like my napkin ring I am tarnished and worn.

With some effort, Glenn was able to push and bend my napkin ring into something that resembles its original shape. With a little silver polish it will once again be shiny.  While no longer a perfect circle, it is serviceable and can once again hold a napkin.  While battle worn, much like me, it carries on.  I won't go so far as to say I'm going to go out and get a pedicure, but I am going to treat myself to a proper at-home foot treatment and a little pampering.  Heck, I might even break out a new color of nail polish.  After all, the annual Marine Corp Ball is this weekend and these feet need to be ready for some dancing.

Oh The Places We Will Go??????

As I took down our Christmas tree this morning I found my self thinking about the year that lays ahead.  What does 2013 have in store for us?  Only time will tell for sure.  Will it be a continuation of 2012 or something completely different? Will we have new adventures with never a dull moment?   Will moments of incredible frustration be intermingled with fantastic opportunities that makes even the toughest days worth it?  Yes, yes, and yes again.  With just a year remaining of our time in Albania I'm realizing that from here on out everything will be our "last".  This May we will celebrate our last Armed Forces Day and in July will stand in our last Independence Day receiving line in Albania.  We will swelter through our last long hot summer in Tirana and relish in our last limitless harvest of figs, mandarins, and pomegranates.  We will have one final holiday season of wondering whether our mail will arrive before the big days and I will put together one final Thanksgiving dinner with make shift substitutions taking the place of real American ingredients.  Yes, this coming year is sure to be an adventure.

At this point next year we will once again be packing up our house and preparing for our next move. Where to you ask?  We don't know and the answer really isn't in our hands.  Rather, the U.S. Navy will decide where we land next.  (Or will it; if Glenn retires then the future is completely in our hands but in turn, that will open up a whole new set of possibilities, complications, and decisions that need to be made).  Sure we'll have some input but in the end the decision isn't really ours to make.  Will we be researching neighborhoods, commute times, and house hunting stateside or searching for rental property overseas?  Regardless of where we call our next home, for the first time schools will factor into our housing decision.   As hard as it is for me to believe, Sidney will be starting school during our next set of orders.  Do we go the public route and buy in a good school district or do we opt for private and live in a funky neighborhood where our money will go farther?  Will I be adding a job search to my list of things to investigate? If so, what type of job do I want?  Full time, part time, in my career field or something completely new.  The possibilities are endless............

In the meantime there are many things we want to accomplish in the year we have left.  Of course there is the pesky thing called work.  For both Glenn and I work, along with all of its dueling responsibilities and commitments will continue to be in the forefront of our lives.   But, during our final year in Albania, we will strive to keep it all in perspective.  We hope to finish our European travel bucket list before we depart.  Already trips are planned for Greece, France, England, Italy, and Poland and in honor of my celebrating a "significant birthday" this year, plans are underway for a girls getaway to Spain.  And of course there are places right here in Albania that we want to explore.  On the home front things will be changing.  I will make a concerted effort to mend our fragile family ties that have been tested over the past few years.  2013 will also be the year that Sidney, despite his stubbornness and refusal to cooperate, will become toilet trained.  (Accomplishing this will make traveling so much easier and lighter!).  I also vow to take better care of myself and my little family in the coming year.  No longer will we be last on my long to-do list.  Proper sit down dinners, with at least one new dish a week, will be a new family routine.  Play time, hanging out time, and opportunities for pure relaxation will now be a priority.  And I will make time for myself.  Whether it be  cooking, blogging, reading, or sitting and doing absolutely nothing, I will make the time to do it each and every day.  

It looks like 2013 will be quite the year.  Regardless of what it holds in store for us, every moment will be an adventure!

Fly Me Away

Glenn has been away on an impromptu business trip this week.  While I normally enjoy the down time that ordinarily accompanies his absences, this past week has been anything but quite and relaxing around household Brown.   Christmas preparations are first and foremost on the agenda.  Despite my best intentions, gift wrapping is not my forte yet I've been trying to wrap both Sidney's Christmas gifts plus the numerous gifts we give to Glenn's many contacts.  Progress is slow and painful.  Next weekend we are hosting two Christmas parties for a total of 100 or so guests in our home.  It will be partially catered (a sanity saving concession that I am not completely happy with) but we're providing all of the drinks (which I have yet to buy) and I'm making all of the desserts (which have yet to be baked).  Between now and then we are hosting a small dinner in our home for a visiting out of town couple and attending another one.  And Glenn will again be gone for two days next week.  On the days he will be here, we have commitments for each and every evening.  Plus I'm working every day next week with a schedule that doesn't permit for down time. Despite an amazing nanny who works too many hours for us, I'm not sure how everything is supposed to get done in time.  During our few email snippets while he's been away, Glenn told me about the German Christmas markets he's visited and gluhwein he's been drinking; I've told him about missed dinners, potty training mishaps, and the cold rainy weather that has prevented an energetic toddler from being able to let off steam outside.  The differences between our individual work requirements this week is drastic.  I keep telling myself there is a light at the end of the tunnel, but is there?

Yesterday during at our end of the day Embassy Christmas party I found myself engaged in a conversation with a co-worker about his wife's desire to have a career (a difficult proposition I have chronicled in an earlier post).  He said that when he retired in a few years, it would be her turn to have a career.  This is the very same conversation Glenn and I have had on numerous occasions; when he retires from the military, which is  ---next year?  in three years?  five?  even longer?  ---- it will be my turn to resume my career.  Like our co-worker, Glenn says he will be the soccer dad, the one who will be responsible for coaching baseball and being a Cub Scout leader while I return to work doing what I want.  This sounds great but the reality is that it is far from realistic.  How does a 40 something year old women (re)start a career after an extended absence from the workforce?  Despite the degrees, the impressive volunteer experience, and a very success career ten or so years ago, would it even be possible for me to jump back into the workforce at a level that would allow me to support my family?  At the same time is Glenn really going to be compiling grocery lists and cooking dinners while serving on the PTA and juggling what I'm sure will be Sidney's numerous activities?  Even with the most valiant effort, will he be satisfied doing this?

Last night was particularly trying.  Sidney was reacting negatively to Glenn's absence and in a fit of anger dismantled his 150 + piece train set.  With the wooden tracks scattered through the living room he declared that "Daddy will come home and fix it."  I had to explain yet again that Daddy would not be coming home that night but I would try to put it together.  Close to an hour later the tracks still lay in ruin (for some reason I am unable to get the tracks to connect into a full loop).  Admitting defeat I asked Sidney if he wanted to bake cookies instead.  This I can do!  He weakly said yes but also reiterated that "Daddy needs to fix it."  Back in my comfort zone in the kitchen we set about making cookies.  Two batches later I admitted defeat. In my distracted desire to keep Sidney from falling off of the stool, adding too much salt to the batter, or catching his hand in the mixer, I omitted the eggs from my first recipe and the yeast from the second.  By the time I realized my mistakes it was too late to salvage the ruined dough.

Late at night, after Sidney had finally fallen asleep I returned to the kitchen to remake the cookies.  Without distractions the doughs came together quickly and perfectly.  As I kneaded the soft buttery dough I recalled the events of the day and asked myself how much longer I (and maybe we) can keep this pace up.  A toddler needs and demands the attention of two engaged parents; at the moment Sidney might have half of one at best.  How can Glenn and I re-prioritize our responsibilities to make this happen?  Glenn hasn't had dinner with Sidney since last weekend and with the exception of tomorrow night's dinner --with company none the less- he won't be sharing the table with him until Thursday at the earliest.  That is a long time for a little boy to go without his dad --and a lot attempts at assembling train tracks for this mom.  How do I explain all of this to a three year old so that he understands?  And I need a break.  There I said it.  Right now my "down" time consists of trips to the grocery store (which is never relaxing in Albania) and cooking rushed dinners in an inadequate kitchen.  I've had a total of one girls night out in the eighteen months we've been in Albania.  I try but as is the case with my latest attempt, it got foiled by "a very important meeting" that Glenn had to attend.

In my current sleep deprived, cookie batter splattered haze I'm having a pity party where I fantasize about hopping on a plane and going to a place where I don't have any responsibilities, no one is expecting me to cook or entertain, and and I can do everything or absolutely nothing on my own schedule.  There's a flight to Vienna leaving tomorrow at 04.30 (yes, I've looked) so if I pack a bag now I could be on it. I could be, but I won't be.  Sidney will wake from his nap soon and I'll make another valiant attempt at constructing the train set up to his standards.  Glenn returns late tonight and tomorrow we'll have a family breakfast of bacon and waffles (Sidney's request).  After that  I'll continue with my marathon baking and preparing for our dinner guests while Glenn puts Sidney's train set together property and they both watch football, play and relax in the afternoon.  (That is a typical Sunday in household Brown).  Come Monday the week with start all over again with more baking, working, and holding down the fort in Glenn's absence.  As impossible as it feels at the moment, I know that the cookies will be baked and next week's parties for 100 will be successes.  We'll smile, get compliments, and next weekend will in turn roll back into another busy week where we can do it all over again.  It will happen because it must happen.  There really isn't any other option.  And maybe with enough practice, I'll finally be able to assemble the train tracks and Sidney will start saying that "Mamma will fix it".